Have you ever been having a conversation with someone and suddenly found yourself copying that person’s posture, expression, gestures, or tone of voice? Maybe you were leaning forward or tilting your head in the same way? Or maybe you started copying the person’s tone and intonation?

My mom does this whenever she spends time with her sisters. After being around them for 10 minutes, she’ll start mimicking their stance and talking just like them. Her voice changes so much that she sounds completely indistinguishable from them. It’s always freaked me out a bit, to be honest.

But my mom isn’t the only one to demonstrate this type of behavior. It’s actually a really common phenomenon called “mirroring.” We often do it unconsciously when we feel connected to the person we’re talking to. And it’s actually a great way to bond with another person.

Research has indicated that people feel closer and more connected to people who mirror them. So that means that people are more likely to compromise during a negotiation when the opposing side is mirroring them. And they’re more likely to make a purchase when a salesperson is using this technique.

People like mirroring. It makes them feel like they’re understood. But it has to be done right. If you attempt to mirror someone and you’re obvious about it, it’s going to come off as creepy and off-putting rather than appealing.

So if you’d like to make a good impression on clients and coworkers by giving mirroring a try, here are a few do’s and don’ts:

DO:

  • Get engaged in the conversation before you try to start mirroring. Focus on listening and understanding what the other person has to say.
  • Nod your head and tilt it slightly to the side as the other person talks.
  • If the person is talking quickly, try to talk at a similar speed. (Or slow it down if the person is talking slowly.)
  • If those techniques seem to be going over well, try imitating the person’s gestures and posture.

DON’T:

  • Overdo it. Try to be subtle.
  • Copy negative tones or body language. For instance, if the other person crosses her arms, don’t copy this defensive gesture.
  • Copy the other person’s gestures, expressions, or tone too precisely. The person will probably notice and find it disturbing.
  • Work so hard at mirroring that you get stressed out, stop listening, or lose track of the conversation.

 

Shellenbarger, S. (2016, September 20). Use mirroring to connect with others. The Wall Street Journal. Retrieved from http://www.wsj.com/articles/use-mirroring-to-connect-with-others-1474394329?tesla=y