relationships

How to Work With People Who Frustrate You

By in Communication Tags: , , ,

Frustrating_Person

Are there people at work who annoy you? Do you find them difficult to work with? Do they make your job more stressful? If the answer to those questions is “yes,” then you know what it’s like to work with frustrating people.

I think most people have experienced this at some point in their career. In the workplace, a bunch of different people (with different personalities and working styles) are put together and asked to work as a team. It’s not surprising that those people don’t always get along.

But according to author Mat Apodaca, there are things that you can do to make the situation better. You can make your relationship with a frustrating individual less stressful, more productive, and more harmonious by doing the following:

  • Be kind – Working with the frustrating person might make you feel angry. But you should never express that anger – that would only make things worse. Instead, when you’re interacting with the person, you should try to stay calm and be kind. Kindness will help to diffuse the situation, and the frustrating person is likely to become more flexible and agreeable.
  • Show compassion – Keep in mind that you don’t know what other people are dealing with in their lives. So the difficult person may be feeling stressed for reasons that have nothing to do with you or the project you’re working on together. This isn’t an excuse for bad behavior. But if you try to be patient and understanding, it will help you to communicate with the person more effectively.
  • Find common ground – Try to find out if you have something in common with the frustrating person. Maybe you both like the same kind of music or you both hate seafood. If you can find common ground, it will give you something fun and neutral to talk about. And it will help you to build a better relationship.
  • Provide some perspective – The frustrating person may not fully understand the amount of thought and effort that you’ve put into the project that you’re both working on. Make sure to provide the person with this background information so they understand the reasoning behind your ideas and suggestions.
  • Distance yourself – You shouldn’t try to avoid the frustrating person. You work with this person, and you need to be able to interact with them. But when things are tense, it’s OK to take a timeout. Put a little distance between yourself and the frustrating person until things have cooled off a little bit.
  • Consider your own behavior – Ask yourself if your behavior may be making the situation worse. Are you doing or saying something that might be causing the difficult person to get upset and react with anger? Even though you may be an excellent employee, it’s possible that you may have contributed to the problem in certain ways. If this is the case, do what you can to change the way you interact with the person. Remember to try to be calm, kind, and compassionate whenever possible.

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Apodaca, M. (n.d.). How to deal with difficult people: 10 expert techniques. Lifehack. Retrieved from: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-deal-with-difficult-people.html

Relationships – It’s the Little Things That Make a Difference

By in Communication Tags: , ,

Friendly_Coworkers

What kind of relationships do you have with your coworkers? Are there certain individuals whom you consider to be your friends? And are there others whom you view as difficult or unpleasant? If so, you’re not alone. According to authors Kerry Roberts Gibson and Beth Schinoff, humans are hardwired to view things as “good” or “bad” – either one extreme or the other. That’s why we tend to view our coworkers as friends or foes, even though people are rarely all good or all bad.

We believe that our good relationships will remain that way forever and our bad ones can never be repaired, although this is far from the truth. In reality, the nature of our relationships are shifting all the time. Even the best relationship can sour if negative things happen. And the worst relationships can be repaired, with a little effort.

Gibson and Schinoff found that it doesn’t take some sort of horrific act to cause a good relationship with a coworker to weaken. And it doesn’t take an amazing, grand gesture to repair a flawed relationship. It’s the small, everyday interactions that make all the difference. They refer to these things as “micromoves.” And according to the authors, they’re more powerful and influential than you might imagine. Here are a couple examples:

  • Bob emails Janice (a coworker whom he considers to be a friend) and asks her for help with a project. Janice never responds to Bob’s email. He doesn’t know why, and he feels annoyed. Later, when Janice asks Bob for a favor, he tells her that he’s unable to help her out.
  • Mary and George have never gotten along very well at work. But recently, when Mary heard that George’s dog had died, she made a point of going to talk to him and offer her condolences. George appreciated her thoughtfulness, and it made him reassess their relationship. In a group meeting later that week, he made a point of praising her work on a recent project.

One small micromove can push a work relationship in a positive or negative direction. And that small push can give rise to other micromoves that continuously cause the relationship to evolve.

So how can you use micromoves to help strengthen your relationships with your colleagues? Gibson and Schinoff suggest you do the following:

  • Try to see things from your coworker’s point of view – We all react to things differently. An action that’s considered to be a nice gesture by one person might be viewed as intrusive by another person. So before you make a micromove, think about how your coworker is probably going to react (based on what you know about that person). And think about how you would react if you were in his or her situation.
  • Make adjustments when necessary – Once you make your micromove, watch how your coworker responds. If the person doesn’t respond well, make adjustments and keep trying.
  • Dig a little deeper – If a coworker suddenly seems to be angry with you, it may have been due to a negative micromove that you made. But it might also be some sort of misunderstanding. If you’re not sure why things have suddenly taken a turn for the worse, don’t be afraid to ask your coworker if he or she is angry with you. (And if so, why?)
  • Try to take an outsider’s view – When things get difficult and emotional, it can sometimes be hard to see how you might have contributed to the situation. Bad relationships often form when mistakes are made on both sides. Try to be honest with yourself about how you’ve been behaving. Are you really trying to repair the relationship or are you doing things to make it worse?
  • Write it down – Keep track of the micromoves that you make and how your coworker responds to them. This will help you to more fully understand the way you interact with each other and to make improvements in the future.
  • Put in the effort – Unfortunately, one bad micromove generally can’t be repaired with one good micromove. Bad micromoves have more of an impact than good ones. So it may take several good micromoves to repair the damage that’s done by a bad one. This can be a little bit tiring. But it’s definitely worth the effort!

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Gibson, K. R., & Schinoff, B. (2019, May 29). The little things that affect our work relationships. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from: https://hbr.org/2019/05/the-little-things-that-affect-our-work-relationships?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=hbr&fbclid=IwAR2eiQd3qJkVBUH0d2phO7dCP7C4TWNvMIcQDShbZUtOeyRDgjq4cml9Aog

How to Stop Oversharing at Work

By in Communication Tags: , , ,

Talking_Cat

It’s great to get along with your coworkers. It makes it so much easier to collaborate and get things done. In addition, research indicates that people with friends at work are more focused, happy, healthy, and engaged. Work is so much better when friends are involved!

So it makes sense to talk to your coworkers about what’s going on in your life. It’s a way to bond with them. You chat about the cool movie you saw over the weekend, describe what you ate for dinner last night, and show off pictures of your adorable cat. But you also need to be careful not to overshare.

Oversharing happens when you reveal too much personal information, and it starts to feel uncomfortable. You may be the one who is oversharing, or you may be the one listening to someone else overshare. Either way, it’s awkward.

Oversharing at work is generally not a good idea. You don’t want to feel uncomfortable or make your coworkers feel uncomfortable. Luckily, author Monica Torres is here to offer some suggestions on how to avoid oversharing and stop it when it starts.

How to avoid becoming an oversharer:

  • Only talk about things that you would be comfortable hearing from someone else. Are you about to launch into a long story about your latest medical procedure? Stop for a minute and think about whether you’d feel comfortable hearing this type of story from someone else. If the answer is “no,” keep it to yourself.
  • Be a little more private with people that you don’t know that well yet. If you don’t know your coworkers that well, work on building your relationships with them. But stick to safe subjects, like your adorable cat. Hold off on revealing the really personal stuff until you know them better.
  • Don’t post super-personal stuff online if your coworkers and managers will be able to see it. People sometimes feel a little uninhibited when they’re posting online. But if everyone from work can see what you’re sharing, make sure you don’t go too far.

How to stop someone else from oversharing:

  • Admit that you’re feeling a little uncomfortable. Thank your coworker for being so open and honest with you. But also tell your coworker that you’re feeling a little uncomfortable because you feel like he or she is telling you more than you should probably know.
  • Change the subject. If openly telling your coworker that he or she is oversharing sounds too difficult, then try a less direct approach. When your coworker starts to reveal way too much information, redirect the conversation by bringing up a new, less-personal topic.

 

Torres, M. (2019, February 28). How to deal with an oversharer at work (and stop yourself from becoming one). HuffPost. Retrieved from: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/oversharing-at-work-how-to-stop-an-oversharer_l_5c7412f6e4b06cf6bb29139b

 

Are You Difficult to Work With? Here Are Three Things You Can Do to Make Things Better.

By in Learning Tags: , ,

businessman figures meeting on difficult conceptual

Hey, I’m sure you’re great at your job. You probably do excellent work! But do you sometimes find that you rub your coworkers the wrong way? Do you think it’s possible that you’re a bit difficult to work with?

If so, don’t worry. You can repair your working relationships. You’ll just need to make a few small changes in your behavior.

According to author John Boitnott, people tend to be viewed as difficult for three specific reasons. Here’s a list of those reasons, and what you can do to make things better:

Reason #1

  • Difficult people focus on themselves too much – Difficult people tend to talk about themselves, their problems, and their concerns almost exclusively. They rarely ask their coworkers what they’re doing or how they’re feeling.
  • What to do about it – To correct this problem, you just need to shift your focus onto your coworkers. Start asking your coworkers questions and then really listen to what they have to say. Effective listening is one of the most important interpersonal skills. People who know how to listen are better able to communicate with others, avoid misunderstandings, and resolve conflicts.

Reason #2

  • Difficult people are often passive-aggressive – When they’re upset, difficult people tend to vent by engaging in passive-aggressive behaviors. They ignore coworkers who have annoyed them, they make snarky remarks, they procrastinate on tasks that they resent having to do, etc.
  • What to do about it – We all get stressed out and frustrated at work sometimes. The trick is to know how to deal with that stress and frustration effectively. Instead of engaging in passive-aggressive behaviors, try taking a walk, complaining to a friend, or engaging in some other type of healthy, stress-relieving behavior.

Reason #3

  • Difficult people get jealous – It can be hard to share the spotlight with a talented coworker (especially for people who usually get all the accolades). But feelings of jealousy can often result in off-putting behaviors, such as being mean and sarcastic, or minimizing another employee’s accomplishments.
  • What to do about it – Try to stop comparing yourself to other people. Focus on your own goals and successes. Remember that you’re great, you do good work, and there’s nothing wrong with occasionally stepping back and letting other people shine.

 

Boitnott, J. (2018, February 14). 3 signs you’re the toxic person in your workplace (and what to do about it). Inc. Retrieved from: https://www.inc.com/john-boitnott/3-signs-youre-toxic-person-in-your-workplace-and-what-to-do-about-it.html?cid=hmside2

How to Get Your Coworkers to Like You

By in Learning Tags: , ,

Popular_Coworker

Unless you work remotely, you probably spend a big portion of your life in the office, surrounded by your coworkers. They’re kind of like your work family. So naturally, it’s beneficial to have a good relationship with them. Life is a lot easier and more enjoyable if you all get along!

Having office friendships makes collaboration easier. It helps people to be more effective and productive. And, of course, it makes the office a happier and more harmonious place to be.

But what if you aren’t close to your coworkers? What if you haven’t managed to connect with them yet, or form any friendships? Author Kat Boogaard suggests that you try the following techniques:

  • Be helpful – If you can see that a coworker is stressed out and swamped with work, and you have some free time available, offer to help. Your offer will be greatly appreciated, whether your coworker takes you up on it or not.
  • Make small talk – Take the time to say “good morning” to your coworkers, and chat for a minute or two about what’s going on in their lives. Don’t linger too long and don’t get too personal. Just be friendly and make an effort to learn about their interests outside the office. Try to remember the things they tell you, and then ask about those things later. (For instance, if a coworker tells you that his cat has a cold, you could ask him about his cat the next day. Your thoughtfulness will be appreciated!)
  • Be complimentary – If your coworkers do a good job on a certain task, tell them so. Let them know that you think they did amazing work. They’ll feel good that you noticed their efforts and took the time to let them know.
  • Do nice things – Do you have leftover cookies at home? Bring them in to the office for everyone to enjoy. Does someone in your office have a headache? Offer that person some of the medicine you keep in your desk. Are there not enough chairs around the meeting table? Go get one from a nearby office so that your coworker isn’t forced to stand. These small, generous acts will earn you the goodwill of your coworkers, and may also make you feel good about yourself!

 

Boogaard, K. (n.d.). 4 easy things you can do to show your co-workers you care. The Muse. Retrieved from: https://www.themuse.com/advice/4-easy-things-you-can-do-to-show-your-coworkers-you-care

 

Keep Talking, You’re Just My Type

By in Communication, Living Well Tags: , , , ,

Texting_Not_Talking

Sorry, everyone. This is not relationship advice on how to flirt with that one guy you always see at the coffee shop before you leave.

Well, maybe it could be. It depends on how you use the information I’m about to tell you.

Six billion people have access to phones, and phones help us communicate. The entire world is right at our fingertips! But where is the line drawn? When does using our devices become too much?

In many conversations I’ve encountered, I have constantly seen people looking down to use their phones. Whether it’s another Snap they need to take, or a text they need to answer, it just doesn’t stop. And I’m not going to lie, it’s pretty annoying. What is so important that you don’t even have the common decency to pay attention?

Face-to-face conversations are important to human interaction.

The thing about online communication is it provides only a fraction of verbal communication and almost no non-verbal communication. When trying to relate to a person or trying to get to know someone better, both verbal and non-verbal communication is key. Both indicate different thoughts and feelings to the listener, but it’s something we lose when using online communication.

This isn’t the fault of our phones though.  It’s due to the human desire to not want to be alone or awkward. Nobody wants to be bored during a conversation, so we turn to our phones as a safe haven.

But the truth is, we need that moment of blunderingly fidgeting around to build better human relations with the people around us.

Sherry Tuckle wrote a book called Reclaiming Conversation. In this book, Tuckle came up with a way to alleviate this miscommunication and phone addiction: the seven-minute rule.

The seven-minute rule states that if you ever find yourself in a lull during a face-to-face conversation, give it seven minutes before you take your phone out.

The moment of boredom you so humanly dislike actually allows your brain to run through thoughts and come up with new ideas to talk about. You’re in a situation in which you have to come up with something to say, and you can use that to further the conversation with the people you’re talking to.

So the next time you ever feel awkward in a conversation, just wait around for a little while until you make the decision to take your phone out. Maybe you’ll gain a new friend. Or even that guy at the coffee shop.

 

 

Suttie, J. (2015, Dec. 7). How smartphones are killing conversation. The Greater Good Science Center. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_smartphones_are_killing_conversation

Relationships and Teaming

By in JHU, Relationship Awareness, University Culture Tags: , , ,

Happy_Team

There are many factors involved in achieving success at work and in life, but there are two variables that can make or break any endeavor. They are the ability to build and maintain relationships, and teaming.

When people are able to build and maintain positive relationships with one another, they’re more likely to form teams that are productive. And productive teams can more effectively help an organization to achieve its mission.

If you want to learn more about relationships and teaming, click here to take the Johns Hopkins e-course.