kindness

What to Say to a Coworker Who’s Upset

By in Communication Tags: , , ,

Comforting_Coworker

It’s sometimes really hard to know what to say to a coworker who is obviously upset about something. You want to help that person to feel better, but you might also be afraid of saying the wrong thing.

Author Deborah Grayson Riegel recommends that you avoid telling the person how they should be feeling. For instance, it may not be helpful to tell your coworker to “stop worrying” or “cheer up” (or, worst of all, “get over it”). 

Also, it’s generally not a good idea to offer advice unless your coworker specifically asks for it. Most people don’t want to be told what to do.

It’s much more effective to simply ask your coworker to tell you how they’re feeling, and then to really listen to what they have to say. Here are a few examples:

  • “You seem upset. Tell me what’s bothering you.”
  • “I can tell that you’re concerned about the situation. What’s worrying you most?”
  • “I know you’re still feeling angry/sad about what happened. What do you think would help you to start feeling better?”

Listen while they talk about their problems and feelings. Be sympathetic. Tell them that they are strong and resilient. And tell them that you’ll be there to support them when they need it.

If they get annoyed, don’t get offended. Just tell them that you’re sorry that they’re having a hard time, and remind them that you’re there for them. Then end the conversation. They’ll know that they have your support, and that’s a powerful thing.

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Riegel, D. G. (2019, April 1). How to talk with a coworker who’s having a rough time. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from: https://hbr.org/2019/04/how-to-talk-with-a-coworker-whos-having-a-tough-time

How to Tell a Coworker That Their Idea Is Terrible

By in Communication Tags: , ,

Reacting_to_Bad_Idea

Have you ever had a coworker come to you with an idea that they think is wonderful and amazing – and you absolutely hate it? What should you say to your excited coworker? How can you tell them that their idea is trash without coming across as short-sighted and mean?

Well, if you’ve ever been in this awkward situation and been unsure of what to do, author Kathryn Vasel is here to help. There is a way to get your message across without discouraging or upsetting your coworker. Just follow these steps:

  • Keep an open mind – When your coworker is telling you about their idea, try to keep an open mind. Even if your immediate reaction is negative, try to put that aside and really listen to what your coworker has to say. Yes, there may be certain things about the idea that you don’t like. But there might be some good elements in there too.
  • Ask a few questions – Get your coworker to think critically about their idea by asking a few questions, such as “Do you think we have the time and resources to put this project together?” or “Do you think the client would be satisfied with this approach?” Get your coworker to see the weaknesses in their idea so they’ll be able to reshape it into something more effective and doable.
  • Be honest – Even if you hate an idea, you can still say that it’s “interesting.” (It’s a better adjective than “terrible.”) But you should also be honest about your concerns. Tell your coworker that you think the idea has some shortcomings, and then clearly explain what they are.
  • Get a second opinion – Ask yourself if the reason why you don’t like the idea is because you’re afraid to try something new. If you’re not sure whether the idea is truly bad, or whether you don’t like it because you’re wary of change, don’t give your coworker immediate feedback. Instead, ask for a second opinion. Talk to another coworker and see what they think. It can often be really helpful to get another person’s perspective.

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Vasel, K. (2019, October 15). How to tell a colleague you hate their idea without crushing their spirit. CNN Business. Retrieved from: https://www.cnn.com/2019/10/15/success/work-colleague-bad-idea

Acts of Kindness

By in Living Well Tags: ,

Happy_Kind_Employee

Please note: I wrote this article before a large portion of our workforce started working from home. So many of these tips on how to be kind to your coworkers might not work in our current situation. Still, I think that being kind to one another is crucially important – now more than ever. So if you can think of ways to be kind to your coworkers who are working remotely, please add your suggestions to the Comments section below!

A few weeks ago, I wrote an article about the benefits of being kind at the office. Researchers found that small acts of kindness can have far-reaching effects. Employees who experience an act of kindness feel a greater sense of camaraderie, feel happier and more satisfied with their work, and often start acting kinder to the people around them. Overall, a kind workplace tends to be a more effective, engaging, productive work environment.

But what, exactly, does it mean to be kind to your coworkers? What does that entail? If you’re not quite sure what you should do to promote kindness in your office, author Dawn Rosenberg McKay has generated an excellent list of ideas. Try giving one or more of these suggestions a try:

  • If your coworker seems tired, bring him or her a cup of coffee or some other type of comforting hot beverage.
  • Share your afternoon snack with a coworker who seems especially hungry.
  • Bring in a tasty treat to share with everyone in the office.
  • Offer to help a coworker who is having difficulty with a certain task or project.
  • Praise and congratulate a coworker who is doing good work.
  • Let your boss know that a coworker is doing good work.
  • Clean up a common area (like the office break room or fridge).
  • Provide new hires with helpful advice.
  • Ask people for their opinions. It will make them realize how much you value what they have to say.
  • Invite a new hire to go out to lunch with you.
  • If you need to run to the store to pick something up, offer to pick something up for your coworker as well.
  • Try to stop people from circulating mean or false rumors about other coworkers.
  • Say “good morning” to your coworkers, and say “goodbye” to them in the evening.
  • Listen to your coworkers when they’re having problems. Offer your sympathy and support.

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McKay, D. R. (2019, March 15). Random acts of kindness. The Balance Careers. Retrieved from: https://www.thebalancecareers.com/random-acts-of-kindness-at-work-525454

Kindness at the Office

By in Living Well Tags: , ,

happy man bringing coffee to woman in office

In many organizations, employees are encouraged to be aggressive and competitive in order to be successful and “get ahead” at work. It’s believed that having a competitive spirit makes employees more productive and engaged. In truth, however, research has indicated that kindness – and not competitiveness – is a much more essential quality. The best workplaces are those that encourage employees to look out for each other and help each other to succeed.

A recent study at the University of California looked at the effect that small acts of kindness can have on a group of coworkers. They enlisted 19 employees to each perform five acts of kindness over four weeks. They were mostly small gestures, like getting another employee a cup of coffee or recognizing something that a coworker had done by sending a thank-you email.

You might not think that this would have much of an impact. But researchers found that these small acts of kindness had far-reaching effects. All of the employees involved in the study felt a greater sense of camaraderie and well-being. Employees felt happier and more satisfied with their work. And those who had been on the receiving end of an act of kindness started acting kinder to the people around them. The kindness turned out to be contagious. And it resulted in the creation of a more effective, engaging, productive work environment.

So even if you’re feeling tired or frustrated at work, try not to take it out on your coworkers (even if they’ve contributed to your frustration!). Try to be kind to yourself and the people around you. You and your coworkers will all benefit from it.

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Agarwal, P. (2019, August 26). Making kindness a priority in the workplace. Forbes. Retrieved from: https://www.forbes.com/sites/pragyaagarwaleurope/2019/08/26/making-kindness-a-priority-in-the-workplace/#4aed4dfb38f4

What to Do When You Have a Coworker You Don’t Like

By in Communication, Living Well Tags: , ,

Business Conflict In Office

Do you have a coworker you just don’t like? It there something about the coworker’s personality or work style that bugs you? Do you hate it when you have to work on projects with this person? Do you try to avoid this coworker as much as possible?  

If so, it’s probably making your work life less satisfying and more stressful. Conflict is never fun. Research shows that when coworkers are angry with each other, it reduces their happiness and productivity. Life is just easier when everyone gets along.

So what should you do to remedy this situation? Here are a few suggestions.

  • Don’t badmouth your coworker – Even though it can be very satisfying to complain to your friends at work about the person you don’t like, don’t do it. Trash talking is mean, and the people who do it look like bullies. It will reflect badly on you.
  • Try to figure out why this coworker bugs you so much – Why does this person push your buttons? Is it because he or she reminds you of someone who upset you in the past? Or perhaps this person has qualities that you see in yourself and don’t like? Be honest with yourself about why you don’t like this individual. It might help you to be a little more forgiving.
  • Be kind (or at least professional) – If you always act irritated or annoyed when interacting with your coworker, your coworker will certainly pick up on it. And your coworker will treat you angrily in return. This type of toxic relationship is harmful to you and everyone else around you. So try being kind instead. Smile, greet your coworker in the morning, and maybe even chat a little bit at lunch. Try to be compassionate and see things from your coworker’s perspective. If you feel like this is too much to ask, that’s OK. But no matter what, you should always be fair, polite, respectful, and professional.
  • Uncover shared interests – Try to find some common ground with this person. Maybe you share the same taste in movies or have similar hobbies. Talking about shared interests can help you to get to know your coworker a little better, and like this person a little bit more.  
  • Remember that it’s OK not to like someone – You don’t have to be best friends with everyone in the office. It’s OK if you don’t have (or want) a close relationship with your coworker. But don’t waste your energy being angry, and don’t take minor slights personally. Try to rise above it, focus on your job, and enjoy your time at work.

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Gelb, S. (n.d.). How to deal with a co-worker you don’t like – but everyone else is obsessed with. The Muse. Retrieved from: https://www.themuse.com/advice/how-to-deal-with-a-coworker-you-dont-likebut-everyone-else-is-obsessed-with

Workopolis. (2017, April 6). How to get along with a co-worker you don’t like. Workopolis. Retrieved from: https://careers.workopolis.com/advice/get-along-co-worker-dont-like/

Is Your Organization Compassionate? Take This Quiz and Find Out!

By in Living Well Tags: , , , ,

Close up hands giving colorful yarn heart handmade. Valentine da

Compassionate organizations tend to be more successful. When employees feel like they have their company’s support when they’re going through a difficult time, they feel safe and secure. They’re more willing to admit to mistakes and work as a team to find a solution. They’re more creative and innovative, because they know they won’t be punished if a new idea doesn’t work out as planned. And they tend to be more loyal, productive, and engaged in their work.

So would you describe your organization as compassionate? Do the people in your company behave in a kind and caring manner? Or is your workplace a little more disengaged?

The CompassionLab at the University of Michigan and the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley created an online quiz that will help you to answer these questions. Click the link below to take the quiz! After answering the questions, you’ll receive a score that will tell you how compassionate your organization is. You’ll also be provided with some tips on how to make your office a more caring, supportive place.

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/take_quiz/compassionate_organizations

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Suttie, J. (2017, March 17). How to awaken compassion at work. Greater Goods Magazine. Retrieved from: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_awaken_compassion_at_work

How to Be Honest and Direct Without Upsetting People

By in Communication Tags: ,

Too_Honest

I once had a coworker who was always very honest and direct. She spoke her mind and voiced her opinions. And she took a lot of pride in always “telling it like it is.” I thought she was terrifying.

I never knew what might come out of her mouth. I guess it was good that she always told the truth. But she often said hurtful things, and I was always afraid that I would be the next person to receive her brutally honest feedback. I didn’t want her to tell me that my shirt was ugly – even if it was.

So what should you do to avoid being like my terrifying coworker? How can you be direct and honest without being unkind? Experts suggest that you follow these three steps:

  1. Investigate before you speak – Make sure to pause before you speak. Think about what you want to say. And before offering your honest opinion, make sure you have a full understanding of the situation. Ask questions and investigate the other person’s point-of-view.
  2. Don’t get personal – It’s OK to criticize an idea that you think is ill conceived. But never criticize the person who generated that idea. Even if a discussion gets heated, never tell people that they’re “ridiculous,” “selfish,” “uninformed,” or any other type of personal insult.
  3. Get to know your coworkers – People won’t listen to you if they don’t know you and trust you (even if you are right). So take the time to get to know your coworkers and form relationships with them. They’ll be much more likely to listen to you and respect your opinions (even if they differ from their own).

 

Stillman, J. (2015, November 16). 3 ways to be direct (without being rude). Inc. Retrieved from http://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/be-direct-not-rude-3-tips.html

 

How to Increase Employee Engagement

By in Leadership Tags: , , ,

Engaged_Employees

It’s great to have engaged employees. Engaged employees are happy, enthusiastic about their work, and highly productive. But how can you help your employees to feel more engaged at work? Well according to Emma Seppälä, Associate Director of Stanford University’s Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, managers need to provide their employees with three things:

  1. Inspiration – When people feel like they’re contributing to something important, their engagement levels increase substantially. They gain a sense of purpose, which leads them to be more creative, focused, and committed. It’s also important for managers to demonstrate that they care more about the wellbeing of their group than they do about their own self-interests. This is inspiring to employees, and can encourage them to be more cooperative, dedicated, and loyal to their team.
  2. Kindness – Try to create a work environment that’s kind, respectful, and considerate. One way to do that is to regularly ask your employees how they’re doing, and then really listen when they answer. Research has shown that a kind, caring environment can make employees more productive and dedicated. It can also make managers more effective.
  3. The encouragement to take care of themselves – Managers should encourage their employees (and give them the time) to exercise, take breaks, and take time off from work. On evenings and weekends, employees shouldn’t be expected to be “on call” or answer work emails. Employees who are calm and rested are happier and have a greater sense of well-being. And because they’re well-rested, they’re able to make better decisions and be more productive at work.

 

Seppälä, E. (2016, February 29). To motivate employees, do 3 things well. Huffington Post. Retrieved from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/emma-seppala-phd/to-motivate-employees-do-_b_9258800.html

 

Be Healthier, Happier, and More Successful — Starting Today

By in Living Well Tags: , , ,

puppy

An act of kindness a day keeps depression at bay.

How are you feeling today? Energized, capable, connected, and peaceful? Or are you bored, sad, lonely, unfocused, or isolated?

If it’s the latter, this may be the cure you’ve been looking for: kindness.

Why kindness? Mental health authorities around the world say that practicing acts of kindness frequently produces multiple health benefits. According to the UK’s Mental Health Foundation, for example, kindness:

  • Promotes positive physiological changes in the brain associated with happiness
  • Slows heart disease and the aging process
  • Encourages a sense of belonging while reducing feelings of isolation
  • Helps people gain perspective and balance
  • Improves a person’s confidence, control, happiness, and optimism
  • Reduces stress
  • Helps minimize negative feelings
  • Helps us live longer and healthier lives

As a 2011 article in the Huffington Post explains, “Oxytocin (which we produce through emotional warmth) reduces levels of free radicals and inflammation in the cardiovascular system and thus slows aging at its source. Incidentally these two culprits also play a major role in heart disease, so this is also another reason why kindness is good for the heart.”

Convinced? Are you ready to “pay it forward”? Here are some ways to get started. Smile at someone who is looking miserable. Volunteer an hour this month to a cause you support. Donate a few dollars to a local charity. Text or email a few words of recognition to an unsung hero. Call a friend or family member who is struggling right now.

“Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” Mark Twain.

 

The Nature of Civility

By in JHU, University Culture Tags: , , ,

Civility

Civility means showing people consideration, appreciation, generosity, and trust. It involves being aware of the people around you, and acting with courtesy and kindness.

Dr. P. M. Forni is a professor at Johns Hopkins University, the director of The Civility Initiative at Johns Hopkins, and the author of two highly acclaimed books on civility. In his book, “Choosing Civility,” Dr. Forni presents 25 rules of considerate conduct. We asked Dr. Forni to identify the five rules that he thought were the most important. His picks are listed below.

  • Pay attention – Take notice of your surroundings. Consider the feelings and needs of others. If you pay attention to the world and people around you, you’ll be able to react to situations more thoughtfully and effectively.
  • Be inclusive – Expose yourself to ideas that are different from your own. Dare to go beyond your “comfort zone.” Work to understand and accept other peoples’ identities, cultures, languages, histories, and ways of interacting with the world. Help new acquaintances and coworkers to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance.
  • Respect other people’s time – Value other people’s time as much as you value your own. Be punctual. If you need to cancel an appointment, cancel in advance. If you need help from someone, keep your requests brief and to the point. Keep your phone calls short. When communicating with coworkers, try to be as clear and concise as possible.
  • Respect other people’s space – Be considerate of others. Don’t invade their personal space and try to keep touching to a minimum. Also, be considerate of other people’s territory. Ask before entering another person’s office or cubicle. And if you share a space with your coworkers (like a kitchen or lunchroom), do your part to help keep it clean.
  • Don’t shift responsibility and blame – Never blame someone else for your mistakes. If you are at fault, be honest about it. Admit your mistake and apologize. Don’t focus on who caused the problem, but rather on what can be done to fix it.

Overall, being civil means thinking about the comfort and happiness of others. People who are civil think about the people around them and this helps them make the right decisions about how to behave.

Forni, P. M. (2002). Choosing civility. New York, NY: St. Martin’s Press.