compassion

How to Work With People Who Frustrate You

By in Communication Tags: , , ,

Frustrating_Person

Are there people at work who annoy you? Do you find them difficult to work with? Do they make your job more stressful? If the answer to those questions is “yes,” then you know what it’s like to work with frustrating people.

I think most people have experienced this at some point in their career. In the workplace, a bunch of different people (with different personalities and working styles) are put together and asked to work as a team. It’s not surprising that those people don’t always get along.

But according to author Mat Apodaca, there are things that you can do to make the situation better. You can make your relationship with a frustrating individual less stressful, more productive, and more harmonious by doing the following:

  • Be kind – Working with the frustrating person might make you feel angry. But you should never express that anger – that would only make things worse. Instead, when you’re interacting with the person, you should try to stay calm and be kind. Kindness will help to diffuse the situation, and the frustrating person is likely to become more flexible and agreeable.
  • Show compassion – Keep in mind that you don’t know what other people are dealing with in their lives. So the difficult person may be feeling stressed for reasons that have nothing to do with you or the project you’re working on together. This isn’t an excuse for bad behavior. But if you try to be patient and understanding, it will help you to communicate with the person more effectively.
  • Find common ground – Try to find out if you have something in common with the frustrating person. Maybe you both like the same kind of music or you both hate seafood. If you can find common ground, it will give you something fun and neutral to talk about. And it will help you to build a better relationship.
  • Provide some perspective – The frustrating person may not fully understand the amount of thought and effort that you’ve put into the project that you’re both working on. Make sure to provide the person with this background information so they understand the reasoning behind your ideas and suggestions.
  • Distance yourself – You shouldn’t try to avoid the frustrating person. You work with this person, and you need to be able to interact with them. But when things are tense, it’s OK to take a timeout. Put a little distance between yourself and the frustrating person until things have cooled off a little bit.
  • Consider your own behavior – Ask yourself if your behavior may be making the situation worse. Are you doing or saying something that might be causing the difficult person to get upset and react with anger? Even though you may be an excellent employee, it’s possible that you may have contributed to the problem in certain ways. If this is the case, do what you can to change the way you interact with the person. Remember to try to be calm, kind, and compassionate whenever possible.

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Apodaca, M. (n.d.). How to deal with difficult people: 10 expert techniques. Lifehack. Retrieved from: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-deal-with-difficult-people.html

How to Be a Good Coworker During a Pandemic

By in Living Well, Navigating Change Tags: , , ,

Caring_Coworker

I’m new to working from home. I think a lot of us are. We’re used to being in an office, surrounded by our coworkers. But now, all of sudden, things have changed in so many ways.

One thing that I’ve noticed while working from home is that, if we’re not careful, the bonds between coworkers can become weakened. And I can understand why. Everyone is under a lot of stress. We’re all being asked to work a different way and take on new tasks. And, most of all, we can’t easily communicate with each other like we used to. We can’t stop by each other’s offices to make small talk and connect with each other. We’re separated. And I think that’s made it harder to be empathic and understanding.

So what can we do to remedy this situation? According to author Alexandra Samuel, compassion is key. We all need to focus on how we can help one another.

Even if you normally work in a competitive environment, you should try to shift gears, and be more relaxed and supportive. Try to let small slights and annoyances slide. Let your guard down. Be honest about how you’re feeling. And, if possible, take the time to check in on your coworkers and see how they’re coping.

Some coworkers will really appreciate having the opportunity to talk about the difficulties that they’ve been having. Maybe they’re having a hard time trying to work with their kids at home, or they’re concerned about their elderly parents. You don’t need to offer any advice. Simply giving people the chance to talk about these things can help to alleviate some of their stress.

Other coworkers may not be interested in talking about their concerns. And that’s OK. They’ll still appreciate the fact that you asked about how they were doing – and they may feel comforted knowing that you’re there to listen if they feel like talking.

Pay special attention to any new employees in your department. They are probably the most likely to be feeling lost and overwhelmed.

And if you could offer to help out coworkers who might be struggling with a certain task or a new type of software, that would be wonderful. Don’t take on more than you can manage. But if you have the knowledge and capacity to help your coworkers get their work done more easily, you should do it.

It’s a scary, uncertain time for all of us. But this pandemic could actually help us to form stronger bonds with our coworkers. Ultimately, it could transform our offices into more caring, supportive, empathic places to work.

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Samuel, A. (2020, April 17). New rules for being a good colleague. The Wall Street Journal, p. R4.

Why Compassion Is Better Than Competition

By in Living Well Tags: , ,

Happy successful multiracial business team giving a high fives gesture as they laugh and cheer their success.

Many organizations encourage their employees to be cut-throat and competitive with each other in order to succeed. These organizations believe that a cut-throat, high-pressure work environment is necessary to get employees to be productive and do their best work.

However, research has shown that a competitive environment is actually damaging and ultimately detrimental to an organization. That’s because cut-throat environments don’t lead to greater productivity. Rather, they encourage the following:

  1. Illness – Employees working under these types of conditions are at a much greater risk of getting sick and staying sick longer than employees working in a supportive environment. They’re more likely to have accidents at work, suffer from debilitating stress, and experience long-term health problems, including cardiovascular disease.
  2. Disengagement – Although a competitive, high-stress work environment can make employees feel engaged in the short-term, it doesn’t last long. Research has shown that employees working in this type of environment quickly start to feel detached and unhappy.
  3. Lack of loyalty – When employees don’t feel engaged or happy, they don’t tend to feel a lot of loyalty towards their organization. Thus, turnover is often very high. No amount of employee perks (such as free food, an office gym, or a liberal work-from-home policy) has been found to make any difference.

So what works better than competitiveness? Researchers have found that the most productive employees are those who work in a compassionate environment. This is the type of environment in which employees feel supported by their managers, are kind to one another, are accepting of other peoples’ mistakes, and treat each other with respect. Employees working in this type of environment are healthier, happier, more creative, and more effective in their work. And organizations with supportive environments are the most likely to succeed.

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Seppälä, E., & Cameron, K. (2015, December 1). Proof that positive work cultures are more productive. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from: https://hbr.org/2015/12/proof-that-positive-work-cultures-are-more-productive

Is Your Organization Compassionate? Take This Quiz and Find Out!

By in Living Well Tags: , , , ,

Close up hands giving colorful yarn heart handmade. Valentine da

Compassionate organizations tend to be more successful. When employees feel like they have their company’s support when they’re going through a difficult time, they feel safe and secure. They’re more willing to admit to mistakes and work as a team to find a solution. They’re more creative and innovative, because they know they won’t be punished if a new idea doesn’t work out as planned. And they tend to be more loyal, productive, and engaged in their work.

So would you describe your organization as compassionate? Do the people in your company behave in a kind and caring manner? Or is your workplace a little more disengaged?

The CompassionLab at the University of Michigan and the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley created an online quiz that will help you to answer these questions. Click the link below to take the quiz! After answering the questions, you’ll receive a score that will tell you how compassionate your organization is. You’ll also be provided with some tips on how to make your office a more caring, supportive place.

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/quizzes/take_quiz/compassionate_organizations

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Suttie, J. (2017, March 17). How to awaken compassion at work. Greater Goods Magazine. Retrieved from: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_awaken_compassion_at_work

How to Avoid Being a Horrible Boss

By in Leadership Tags: , , ,

Horrible_Boss

There are a lot of unpopular managers out there. In a recent Monster.com survey, more than 50% of respondents rated their boss as a “one” or a “two” on a five-point scale. And 32% of respondents indicated that their boss is “horrible.” Now this doesn’t mean that these managers are all bad people. Sure, there might be a few truly terrible bosses out there, but most of them are probably just a little lost and misguided.

A lot of people aspire to be managers. It’s viewed as a promotion. But it’s not an easy job. New managers need to adopt new ways of working and interacting with people. It can be a very tough transition.

But everyone has the ability and capacity to lead. You just need to learn how to do it properly! Listed below are five basic steps that you should take:

  1. Make sure you’re all on the same page – Talk to your employees about what you see as your common purpose. Why are you all doing the work that you do? Make sure that you all share the same vision. If everyone is in agreement, it will make it so much easier to prioritize tasks, solve problems, and work as a cohesive team.
  2. Realize that you don’t know everything – It isn’t your job to know everything. And if you act like you know everything, you’re going to annoy everyone. Trust your employees to do their jobs and recognize that they’re experts in their areas. Don’t micromanage.
  3. Focus on the right goals – Before you start setting goals for your team and tracking everyone’s progress, make sure you choose the right goals. Don’t choose goals just because progress will be easy to track and will look good on a pie chart. Make sure that the goals are actually meaningful and not just a lot of busywork.
  4. Don’t beat yourself up if you make a mistake – You are going to make mistakes. That’s guaranteed. But don’t be too hard on yourself. Try to take it in stride and learn from your missteps. And accept the fact that your team members will make mistakes too. You’re not perfect and you can’t expect them to be either.
  5. Build trust – In order to be a good manager, you need to be someone your employees can trust. Your employees need to know that you support them, that you’ll defend them (when necessary), that you’ll tell them the truth, and that you’ll do what you say you’re going to do. Be consistent. Be compassionate. And help out whenever you can. Your team members will appreciate your efforts and work harder because of it.

 

Tynan, K. (2017). The truth about management. Talent Development, 71(6), 48-51.