communication

How to Avoid Answering Personal Questions at Work (Without Hurting Anyone’s Feelings)

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Avoiding_Questions

It’s great to form friendships with your coworkers. Work friends are important! Research indicates that work friends help to make us more productive, focused, happy, healthy, and engaged.

But even though you might be close with your coworkers, there still might be things going on in your life that are private and that you’d rather not discuss. So, what should you do when you’re asked a personal question that you don’t want to answer? Saying something like “I don’t want to answer that” would certainly be direct, but it might also come across as harsh and unfriendly.

Here’s a different approach. It’s an easy two-step process that author Laura Dorwart says will allow you to dodge your coworker’s question without hurting their feelings.  

Step 1: Provide a short, generic, “non-answer”

Answer your coworker’s question by saying something so short and generic that it actually tells them nothing. Here are a few options:

  • “We’ll see!”
  • “Time will tell.”
  • “Oh, you know how it goes.”
  • “Who can say?”
  • “It is what it is.”
  • “Fine.”

Step 2: Pivot

The next step is to quickly change the subject by asking your coworker a question about an unrelated topic. It could be about work, what their plans are for the weekend, or how their dog is doing. It doesn’t really matter. You’re just trying to redirect the conversation.

Now here’s an example of both steps being used together…

  • Coworker: “How are things going with your relationship problems?”
  • You: “Oh, you know how it goes. Say, what are planning to order for lunch today?”

And that’s it! You have successfully avoided answering an awkward personal question without being rude or abrupt.

If you have tips or suggestions about other ways that this can be done, please feel free to share them in the Comments section below!

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Dorwart, L. (2019, February 13). 17 amazing tricks for dodging unwanted questions. Best Life. Retrieved from: https://bestlifeonline.com/avoid-unwanted-questions/

Common Words and Phrases to Avoid Saying at Work

By in Communication Tags: ,

Coworkers_talking

If you work in a friendly, relaxed work environment, you may not give a lot of thought to what you say or how you express your feelings. But according to author Judith Humphrey, you should. Humphrey believes that in the office, you always need to be polite and professional. This means that you need to avoid saying certain words or phrases that could send the wrong message to your managers and coworkers.

Here are words and phrases and Humphrey thinks you should avoid (and what you could say instead):

“Whatever” (as well as “sure” and “fine”)

  • Why you should avoid it – The word “whatever” is innately snarky. You’re basically saying that you’ll go along with the other person, but you think that what they’re doing is a mistake. The words “sure” or “fine” can also sound curt and annoyed when they’re said in an angry tone.  
  • What to say instead – “That sounds like a good idea. Let’s move forward with it.”

“It is what it is”

  • Why you should avoid it – This phrase shuts people down. You’re saying that the situation is not going to change, so you don’t want to hear any feedback.
  • What to say instead – “This is the situation we’re in. Does anyone have any ideas about how we can change it?”

“I’m pissed off”

  • Why you should avoid it – Expressing anger at the office is usually a bad idea. It can make your clients and coworkers feel uncomfortable, and they may avoid interacting with you in the future.
  • What to say instead – Nothing. Unless you’re talking to a trusted coworker, you should probably keep your angry feelings to yourself.

“I can’t”

  • Why you should avoid it – Even though there are certainly going to be times when you can’t do what a manager or client is asking you to do, you should still try to avoid using the words “I can’t.” It might make you sound ineffective or like you’re being difficult.
  • What to say instead – Instead of saying what you can’t do, shift the focus to what you can do. If a manager asks you to write a report by Monday, you could say “I can send you a detailed outline on Monday – and I’ll have the finished report ready for you by Wednesday.”

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Humphrey, J. (2017, July 23). Six words and phrases that make everyone hate working with you. Fast Company. Retrieved from https://www.fastcompany.com/40441775/six-words-and-phrases-that-make-everyone-hate-working-with-you

The Best and Worst Business Buzzwords

By in Communication, Language Tags: , , , ,

Guy_Using_Buzzwords

When you’re at work, do you often hear people use phrases like “It’s on my radar,” “Table this,” or “Think outside the box”?  Most of us do. According to a recent survey by Preply, seven out of ten people use this type of business jargon at the office.

But just because we hear this type of language at work, that doesn’t necessarily mean we like it! The survey results also indicated that one out of five people find business buzzwords to be annoying.

So what terms do people tend to hate the most? Here are the five that were rated most poorly:

  • New normal – This phrase is often used to remind people that they need to adjust to a new, possibly unpleasant situation.
  • Circle back – The idea that a certain issue will need to be discussed again may not be the most pleasant news for some people.
  • Company culture – Respondents felt unhappy when they were told to do things because it was the “company culture” or the “way things are done here” instead of being given a valid reason.
  • Boots on the ground – This phrase is often used to give people the unhappy news that they need to put in long hours at work or an enormous amount of effort in order to get something done.
  • Give 110% – Respondents didn’t appreciate being told that they have to give more than 100%, which isn’t actually possible.

And what business buzzwords did survey respondents find the least annoying? Here are three of the least irritating expressions:

  • At the end of the day – This phrase is often used when people are talking about what was learned from a series of events. Respondents didn’t have a problem with this phrase.
  • Debrief – This word is often used to suggest that people should gather together to discuss something that has occurred. Once again, respondents didn’t mind this jargon.
  • Table this – Survey respondents felt fine about “tabling” something (or putting it aside for now).

It’s Good to Have Troublemakers on Your Team

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Troublemaker

It’s great to work with people who share your opinions. It feels so wonderful and easy when everyone on a team gets along, and when everyone is always in agreement about what course of action to take. But is this really the ideal type of work situation to be in? Author Ali Donaldson would argue that it’s not.

According to Donaldson, it’s important to have “troublemakers” on a team. Now, these aren’t people who are rude, mean, or abrasive. They’re just people who are willing to question the decisions that are being made by the group, and disagree with the majority’s opinion when they think it might be problematic. They’re not afraid of “rocking the boat” if it means that the final product will be more valuable and effective.

Can a “troublemaker” sometimes be frustrating to other group members? The answer is probably “yes.” But are they also essential members of the team? The answer to that question is also “yes.” Troublemakers can identify potential problems that others may not want to consider for the sake of group harmony. Their input is important. And every effort should be made to ensure that they feel free to share their honest thoughts and opinions.

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Donaldson, A. (n.d.). Why you want to cultivate a team of professional troublemakers at work. Inc. Retrieved from: https://www.inc.com/ali-donaldson/luvvie-ajayi-jones-awe-luv-media-professional-troublemaker.html

How to Work With People Who Frustrate You

By in Communication Tags: , , ,

Frustrating_Person

Are there people at work who annoy you? Do you find them difficult to work with? Do they make your job more stressful? If the answer to those questions is “yes,” then you know what it’s like to work with frustrating people.

I think most people have experienced this at some point in their career. In the workplace, a bunch of different people (with different personalities and working styles) are put together and asked to work as a team. It’s not surprising that those people don’t always get along.

But according to author Mat Apodaca, there are things that you can do to make the situation better. You can make your relationship with a frustrating individual less stressful, more productive, and more harmonious by doing the following:

  • Be kind – Working with the frustrating person might make you feel angry. But you should never express that anger – that would only make things worse. Instead, when you’re interacting with the person, you should try to stay calm and be kind. Kindness will help to diffuse the situation, and the frustrating person is likely to become more flexible and agreeable.
  • Show compassion – Keep in mind that you don’t know what other people are dealing with in their lives. So the difficult person may be feeling stressed for reasons that have nothing to do with you or the project you’re working on together. This isn’t an excuse for bad behavior. But if you try to be patient and understanding, it will help you to communicate with the person more effectively.
  • Find common ground – Try to find out if you have something in common with the frustrating person. Maybe you both like the same kind of music or you both hate seafood. If you can find common ground, it will give you something fun and neutral to talk about. And it will help you to build a better relationship.
  • Provide some perspective – The frustrating person may not fully understand the amount of thought and effort that you’ve put into the project that you’re both working on. Make sure to provide the person with this background information so they understand the reasoning behind your ideas and suggestions.
  • Distance yourself – You shouldn’t try to avoid the frustrating person. You work with this person, and you need to be able to interact with them. But when things are tense, it’s OK to take a timeout. Put a little distance between yourself and the frustrating person until things have cooled off a little bit.
  • Consider your own behavior – Ask yourself if your behavior may be making the situation worse. Are you doing or saying something that might be causing the difficult person to get upset and react with anger? Even though you may be an excellent employee, it’s possible that you may have contributed to the problem in certain ways. If this is the case, do what you can to change the way you interact with the person. Remember to try to be calm, kind, and compassionate whenever possible.

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Apodaca, M. (n.d.). How to deal with difficult people: 10 expert techniques. Lifehack. Retrieved from: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-deal-with-difficult-people.html

Manipulative Things You Shouldn’t Say at Work

By in Communication Tags: ,

Being_Manipulated

Working on teams can be frustrating. There may be times when you feel that things should be done in a certain way, but you can’t get a coworker to go along with your plan.

When this happens, you might be tempted to try to manipulate your coworker into doing what you want. Of course, this is never the right course of action. If you try to control your coworker, you run the risk of creating conflict and engendering ill will.

But according to author Monica Torres, it’s not unusual for people to say manipulative things to their coworkers in order to get their way. Often these phrases sound friendly and polite, but they’re actually designed to push people into taking a certain course of action. Some of these phrases are so subtle, the people saying them may not even realize that they’re trying to manipulate others.

So what types of manipulative things should you avoid saying? Torres provides the following list:

  • “Do you have a minute?” — It’s kind of impossible for someone to say “no” to this question, regardless of how busy they might be. So if you say it, you’re kind of forcing the other person to help you with your problem right away, even though it might not be the best time. Instead of asking if they have a minute, just tell your coworker that you have an issue that you need to talk about, and ask them when would be a good time to discuss it.
  • “Everyone agrees that…” — It’s very possible that you might be overestimating how much everyone agrees with you. In addition, it kind of sounds like you (and your other colleagues) are ganging up on your coworker. Instead of saying this phrase, you should just voice your own opinion. Let your colleagues speak for themselves, if they want to.
  • “I’m not saying that you should do it, but…” — Don’t kid yourself. If you use this phrase, you’re definitely telling your coworker that you think they should take a certain course of action. Just be honest and upfront about it.
  • “Don’t spend all night on this, but…” — You’re not being kind when you say this. You’re not telling the other person that they can take it easy. You’re telling them that you want them to put a lot of time and effort into the task – and if they have to stay up late to get it done, then they should (just so long as they don’t stay up ALL night). Instead of using this phrase, you should tell your coworker about the deadline, and talk to them about how long the task might take. Offer to extend the deadline, if possible.
  • “Don’t you agree?” — A lot of people might answer “yes” to this question, not because they actually agree with what was said, but because they’re afraid of coming across as difficult or argumentative. Instead of saying this phrase, just go with “what do you think?” This type of question will allow your coworker to give you an honest answer.

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Torres, M. (2021, November 4).  5 accidentally manipulative things you say at work. HuffPost. Retrieved from: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/accidentally-manipulative-phrases-say-at-work_l_61818011e4b087e2ef8f69f0

How to Build a Cohesive Team

By in Communication, Leadership Tags: , , ,

Happy_Cohesive_Team

Cohesive teams are groups of people who are willing to work together towards a common goal. They combine their talents, so they’re more skilled, competent, and effective than they would be alone. They trust each other, they’re committed to supporting the group effort, and they resolve conflicts quickly. And the members of cohesive teams tend to feel good about their jobs and their work.

So what can managers do to help build productive and effective cohesive teams? Here are a few suggestions:

  • Provide team members with clear goals – Make sure that you have clear goals for the team and for each member of the team, and make sure that team members are aware of these goals. The goals should be easy to understand and free of jargon. There should be no question about what team members are expected to do in order to meet (or exceed) these goals.
  • Provide team members with training opportunities – Provide your team members with the opportunity to get training in order to sharpen their existing skills or develop new ones. Make sure they know that asking for training doesn’t mean that they’re deficient in some way. Rather, it’s something that’s encouraged, because skillful, educated employees are more likely to be able to contribute to the team effort.
  • Communicate – Encourage your team members to communicate with you and each other (and provide them with the means to do so). When teams communicate freely and openly, it strengthens the connections between team members. It also allows for problems to be solved more quickly and easily.  
  • Build trust – In order to work together effectively, team members need to trust each other. To build trust, managers and team members need to be honest, kind, and respectful, and need to communicate openly and frequently. As a manager, make sure that you’re available if a team member needs to talk. The more accessible you are, the more likely your employees will be to speak to you freely and trust you with their ideas.
  • Work together to resolve conflicts – Even the most effective and cohesive team will occasionally experience conflict. When it happens, get team members to work together to come up with a solution. Don’t let the problem fester. Address it quickly, and make sure that all team members are satisfied with the proposed solution.
  • Celebrate team successes – When your team experiences some sort of success or achieves an important goal, make sure to celebrate it. Congratulate the entire team, rather than singling out one or two people. Acknowledge the fact that the entire team contributed to the success.

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Indeed Editorial Team. (2021, March 2). 10 steps to improve team cohesiveness in the workplace. Indeed. Retrieved from: https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/team-cohesiveness

Choose Your Words Carefully

By in Communication Tags: , ,

Choosing_Words_Carefully

Words are powerful. They can tear another person down in an instant. That’s why it’s so important to choose your words carefully when you’re at work, and to always think before you speak.

Honest communication is essential at the office. Teams can’t function without it. But it’s equally important to present your thoughts and ideas in ways that are respectful and considerate of others.

Here are four things that you should do when you’re speaking to your coworkers:

  • Take a pause – It’s often a good idea to pause before you speak, and take a little time to consider what you want to say. This will prevent you from using words that might be hurtful or misunderstood. In addition, a brief pause will indicate to others that you’re thinking about the issue carefully and taking it seriously.
  • Think about whether it’s necessary to say anything – It’s not always necessary to share your opinions. This is especially true when you feel like you don’t know how to voice your thoughts in a way that’s clear and respectful. In these situations, it’s better to sit back and listen to what other people have to say. One of your coworkers might voice an opinion that’s similar to yours (making it unnecessary for you to speak), or you might hear new ideas that make your rethink your position. Try to be open minded and carefully consider what other people have to say.
  • Don’t forget that you’re at work – You might use colorful language when you’re at home, but you shouldn’t do it at the office. Even if you have good relationships with your coworkers, always remember that you’re in a work setting and you need to be professional.
  • Apologize if you say the wrong thing – Everyone makes mistakes. And no matter how careful you might try to be, there may still be a time when you say the wrong thing. If this happens, you should immediately say you’re sorry. Acknowledge the fact that you shouldn’t have said what you did, and apologize for causing offense.

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n.a. (2020, January 15). 4 ways to think before you speak in the workplace (and elsewhere). Leadership Delta. Retrieved from: https://www.leadershipdelta.com/be-the-delta-blog/2020/1/15/4-ways-to-think-before-you-speak-in-the-workplace-and-elsewhere

Five Passive-Aggressive Things That You Shouldn’t Say to Your Coworkers

By in Communication Tags: ,

Passive_aggressive

Work can sometimes be stressful and frustrating. Even on the most cohesive teams, there can be conflict. And that’s when people can sometimes say passive-aggressive things. Passive-aggressive comments convey anger, and can cause friction to develop between coworkers.  

So, of course, you should avoid saying passive-aggressive things. Even if you’re feeling frustrated, it’s important to maintain a good, solid working relationship with your colleagues. But what, exactly, is considered to be passive-aggressive? Sometimes it can be hard to know what not to say. Luckily, Monica Torres has provided a list of five common passive-aggressive comments that should never be uttered (and has suggestions about what you should say instead):

  1. “As I said in my previous email” or “As I mentioned earlier” — These statements suggest that the person you’re talking to has missed or ignored essential information that you worked hard to provide. In other words, you’re suggesting that they messed up. It’s the kind of thing that could really upset the person you’re talking to. A better approach would be to simply restate the information, and maybe add a few additional pieces of information. This will serve as a justification for you talking to your coworker a second time. In addition, your coworker will benefit from being updated and fully informed!
  2. “I’m going to ‘CC my manager” — Unless there’s a really good reason why your manager should be pulled into the conversation, don’t do it (or threaten to do it). Try to work things out yourself.
  3. “Obviously” or “Clearly” — These words suggest that the person you’re talking to has overlooked something obvious (and they’re not very smart). Instead of saying “obviously” or “clearly,” just be kind and tell the person what you think they need to know.
  4. “Many of us agree that…” — This phrase suggests that you’ve been talking about the issue behind your coworker’s back. It also sounds like you (and your other colleagues) are ganging up on your coworker. Basically, it’s a pretty aggressive statement. Instead of saying it, you should just voice your own opinion. Let your colleagues speak for themselves (if they want to).
  5. “No offense, but…” — Whatever you say after saying these three words are guaranteed to offend. Saying “No offense, but…” does not soften the blow. If you have to deliver negative feedback, do it the right way. Check out this article for tips on how to criticize someone nicely.

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Torres, M. (2021, October 12). The most common passive-aggressive phrases people say at work. HuffPost. Retrieved from: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/passive-aggressive-phrases-people-say-at-work_l_616462c1e4b019644427d691

How to Write a Great Out-of-Office Email Message

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Writing_Email_Message

When you’re going to be away from your desk for an extended period of time during regular business hours (and you won’t be responding to emails), you should set up an out-of-office message. An out-of-office message is an auto-reply email that lets people know that you’re away. They help to keep people informed, and ensure that things run smoothly in your absence.

But what should you actually say in your out-of-office message? How much information should you provide? Should you try to be funny? Should you keep it formal? There are a lot of things to consider!

If you’ve ever felt unsure about how to write an out-of-office message, here are a few tips:

  • There are basically only two pieces of information that you need to include. First, you should clearly indicate the dates when you’ll be gone. Second, you should provide the name and contact information for someone who can provide assistance if it’s an urgent matter.
  • In addition to presenting the essential information, feel free to add a brief, friendly message like “Thanks for your message,” or “Looking forward to talking to you soon.”
  • Don’t try to be funny. Remember that this email is going to be sent to lots of random people, and you don’t know how they might react to your type of humor. Keep it brief and formal.
  • Don’t disclose too much information. It’s not necessary to go into detail about why you’ll be out of the office. You can write a few words about it, if you’d like (for example, “I have jury duty” or “I’m on sabbatical”). But it’s actually not necessary to provide any information at all.
  • Don’t make promises that you won’t be able to keep. For instance, don’t promise to get back to the person “right away” as soon as you return to the office. You might not be able to manage it!

Here’s an example of a good out-of-office message. Feel free to use it!

Thank you for your email! I’m currently out of the office, and will be back on [date]. I’ll reply to your email as soon as possible after my return. If this is an urgent matter, please contact [coworker’s name and job title] at [coworker’s email address or phone number].

Best, [your name]

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Ellis, M. (2021, July 30). How to write an effective out-of-office message. Grammarly. Retrieved from: https://www.grammarly.com/blog/how-to-write-out-of-office-message/

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