feedback

How to Be Honest

By in Communication Tags: , ,

Be_Honest

I think that honesty is always the best policy at work. If a project isn’t going well, I tell my manager about it. If I make a mistake, I own up to it. But I do sometimes struggle with being honest when I know that my message is going to hurt a coworker’s feelings. Should you really “tell it like it is” when you know you’re going to upset someone else? Or is it better to soften your message or just not mention it?

If you’ve also struggled with this issue, you’re not alone. A survey by Fierce Inc. revealed that 80% of workers aren’t always honest because they’re fearful of hurting a coworker’s feelings. But author Taryn Oesch believes that you should be honest, even about difficult subjects.

Oesch argues that if you’re not honest with other people, then the problems that exist are going to continue and possibly escalate. And the coworker that you’re trying to protect could end up in an even worse situation. Being honest about the problems will likely benefit your coworker (and the company) in the long run.

So Oesch believes that you you should and can be honest. You just need to follow these steps:

  • Be candid AND kind – You need to be honest but also kind. Don’t deliver your message angrily or aggressively. Be honest, but also listen to what your coworker has to say, and show empathy. If changes need to be made, offer to help your coworker if you can.    
  • Provide feedback the right way – Begin by focusing on the good things that your colleague is doing. Then talk about the specific behaviors that have been causing a problem. Be clear and honest, but don’t dwell on these issues. Instead, focus on the future, and how a few changes could make things better moving forward.
  • Establish a baseline of trust – Try to form trusting relationships with your colleagues. Be honest with them about your own struggles at work. If you like and trust each other, it will be much easier to provide honest feedback.
  • Be open to receiving feedback from others – If you’re going to be honest with your coworkers about the problems that exist, you have to also be open to receiving feedback from them. Don’t get defensive or angry. Listen to their message, consider it carefully, and attempt to make positive changes in the future.

…

Oesch, T. (2019, July 23). Tiptoeing isn’t nice: 5 tips to be both kind and candid. Training Industry. Retrieved from: https://trainingindustry.com/articles/leadership/tiptoeing-isnt-nice-5-tips-to-be-both-kind-and-candid/

Want Valuable Feedback? Try the “Start-Stop-Continue” Method.

By in Communication, Leadership Tags: , ,

Creative team at work

If you’re a manager, then you’re probably responsible for providing your team members with feedback – perhaps during annual performance reviews. But it’s also important to ask your team members to provide you with feedback. To be an effective leader, you need to know if you’re providing your team with the tools and information that they need to be effective and productive.

But just asking your team members “how am I doing?” is probably not the best approach. Most team members will probably respond by saying something like “good” or “fine.” They probably won’t provide specifics. And they might be afraid to say anything critical.

So if you’d like to get valuable feedback, it’s best to avoid asking general questions like “how am I doing?” Instead, provide your team with some structure, and ask them three questions:

  1. What should I start doing?
  2. What should I stop doing?
  3. What should I continue to do?

This “start-stop-continue” method will encourage your team members to provide you with specific information and concrete examples. You’ll come away with suggestions that you can actually put into action. And your team members will appreciate your effort! They’ll feel like they’re really being heard and recognize that their opinions matter.

 

Getting Feedback from Students. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.bu.edu/ctl/teaching-resources/start-stop-continue/

How to Ask Great Questions and Get Great Answers

By in Communication Tags: , , ,

Too Many Questions. Pile of colorful paper notes with question marks. Closeup.

Let’s imagine that a problem has cropped up at work and you’re not sure what to do. It would make sense to seek out a knowledgeable coworker and get that person’s advice. But before you do that, here’s something to keep in mind – the way in which you ask for advice can have a huge impact on the type of response that you get.

For example, let’s say that you approached your knowledgeable coworker and said this:

  • You: “The client won’t give me any feedback. So I think I’m going to email his boss and complain. That would certainly get things moving, don’t you think?”
  • Your Coworker: “Yeah, I guess.”

This is a bad way to ask a question. You’re not really asking your coworker to provide input on how to solve the problem. You’re just asking a yes/no question and trying to get your coworker’s blessing for your lousy plan of action.

If you really want to get valuable information, you need to ask great questions. Author Jeff Haden provides the following tips:

  • Don’t ask leading questions – A leading question might be something like, “Don’t you think I’ve waited long enough for a response?” These types of questions are bad because your coworkers will know how you want them to respond, and they may not give you an honest answer.
  • Don’t ask either/or questions – Don’t present your coworkers with two options and ask them which one is better. Maybe both options are bad! Instead, just explain the problem and ask what should be done to fix it.
  • Ask open-ended questions – You should ask the type of question that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” For example, you might say “What would you do to solve this problem?” When you ask open-ended questions that require a detailed response, you’ll be more likely to learn valuable new information.
  • Be humble – If you’re confused by what your coworker is saying, admit your confusion and ask clarifying questions. Then keep asking questions until you understand what your coworker is suggesting. Don’t try to pretend that you understand something when you don’t.
  • Be quiet and listen – After asking your question, be quiet. Give your coworker some time to think about the problem and generate a solution. And don’t interrupt while your coworker is talking. Let your coworker finish what he or she is saying before you say anything. You’ll learn a lot more by being quiet and listening than you will by continuing to talk.

 

Haden, J. (2019, April 8). How smart people ask great questions (and get better answers). Inc. Retrieved from: https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/how-smart-people-ask-great-questions-and-get-great-answers.html?cid=hmside3

Four Reasons Why You May Not Be Providing Accurate Feedback

By in Leadership Tags: , ,

If you’re a manager, you’re probably responsible for providing your employees with feedback. Often this is done during an annual performance review. It’s a part of your job – but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy.

In fact, providing feedback can be downright scary. It’s really hard to give people feedback when you have negative things to say. You know that the people receiving the feedback might feel unhappy or upset, and they might react badly.

So you probably go out of your way to be fair and accurate. You want to make sure that your feedback is based on facts rather than emotions. But even though you’re trying to be fair, authors Patrick Malone and Zina Sutch believe that certain biases may be influencing you without you even realizing it. They claim that there are four ingrained biases that can make feedback inaccurate:

  1. Central tendency bias – When asked to rate things, people naturally tend to place most of the items in the middle of the rating scale. (I can see this in action on my Netflix account. For whatever reason, I rate almost all movies as a “3 out of 5.”) This common bias can cause managers to rate most of their employees as average. As a result, low-performing employees don’t get the feedback they need, and high-performing employees are understandably upset.
  2. Contrast effect – This bias can occur when a manager evaluates a really stellar employee, and then evaluates an average employee right after that. The manager unconsciously compares the stellar employee with the average one, and rates the average employee more negatively than he or she should.
  3. Confirmation bias – Imagine that you have an employee who underperformed for months and then suddenly improved. Currently, this employee is doing great work. How do you rate this individual? Confirmation bias might lead you to ignore the employee’s recent good work and focus on his or her poor performance. We have a tendency to draw conclusions about people, and then look for evidence that confirms those conclusions. We feel uncomfortable about changing our perceptions, so we tend to ignore new information that might challenge it.
  4. Overconfidence bias – If you are just as much an expert in a certain field as your employees, your confidence in your own knowledge and abilities might cause you to rate employees (who may use slightly different techniques or processes) too harshly. Even if the employees do good work, the fact that they’re doing it differently than you may make you view them negatively.

These are all common biases, and we all experience them to some extent. But the good news is that it’s fairly easy to overcome them! Simply being aware of these common biases can help you to avoid them.

 

Malone, P.S., & Sutch, Z. B. (2019). The fear of feedback. Talent Development, 73(2), 30-35.

How to Criticize Someone Nicely

By in Communication Tags: , ,

Criticizing

It’s so hard to criticize a coworker or manager. Even if you think that your feedback would be helpful, you’re still saying something negative – and it could easily cause the person to become upset and defensive.

But what if it can’t be avoided? Is it possible to deliver constructive criticism without hurting anyone’s feelings? Author Susan Steinbrecher believes it can be done. Just follow these seven steps:

  1. Get permission – Ask the person if it would be OK if you shared an idea or suggestion. You might say something like, “Do you have a minute to talk about…?” It’s a polite thing to do. And if it’s not a good time, it would be better if you waited. If the person is busy or distracted, he or she is not likely to be receptive to what you have to say.
  2. Be balanced – Sure, you’ve got some negative things to say. But try to balance them out by saying positive things as well. And if you do pay the person a compliment, don’t immediately follow up with a “but.” (For example, “You do great work, but the clients think you’re difficult.”) Your compliment will be lost. All the person will hear is the criticism.
  3. Highlight the benefits – Why are you criticizing this person? How will your suggestions benefit that person, your working relationship, or the project that you’re both working on? Talk about the benefits of your ideas. You might be criticizing this person, but it’s for the best!
  4. Choose your words carefully – Say “I” rather than “you.” (For example, you should say “I feel unhappy when…” rather than “You make me feel unhappy when…”) Focus on the present rather than dredging up the past. And don’t use words like “always” or “never.” Saying things like “You always do this” or “You never do that” will only make the person feel angry and defensive.
  5. Prepare and practice – Work out what you want to say before you talk to the person. And then practice saying it. Run it by a trusted friend or coworker to see what he or she thinks of your message and delivery.
  6. Do it in person – Talk to the person face-to-face. If that’s not possible, talk on the phone. Definitely don’t send a text or an email. Written messages can easily be misinterpreted.
  7. Stay calm and keep an open mind – After you’ve delivered your prepared statement, the person might respond by providing you with some constructive criticism. Try to stay calm and listen carefully. Be open to what the person has to say and embrace the suggestions that seem helpful.

 

Steinbrecher, S. (2017, April 18). How to criticize anyone (yes, even your boss) and maintain your relationship. Inc. Retrieved from: https://www.inc.com/susan-steinbrecher/how-to-criticize-anyone-yes-even-your-boss-and-maintain-your-relationship.html

 

What to Do When You Get Unwanted Advice

By in Communication Tags: , ,

Unwanted_Advice

Do you have coworkers who offer you advice – even if you didn’t ask for it or need it? It can sometimes be helpful. But it can also be annoying. Unsolicited and unwanted advice can feel like criticism. You might feel like your coworkers are getting involved because they don’t have confidence in your work or the approach that you’re taking.

So what should you do when you get unwanted advice from a coworker? First, put your pride aside and carefully evaluate what your coworker is saying. Forget about the fact that your coworker might be younger or less experienced than you. It doesn’t matter whether your coworker is a friend – or even friendly. Try to focus on what your coworker is saying and objectively ask yourself, “Is this good advice?” “Would this be an improvement on what I’m currently doing?” If the answer is “yes,” take your coworker’s advice and run with it. But if the answer is “no,” you need to let your coworker know that you’re going to be doing things your way.

But how do you do that nicely? How do you tell your helpful coworker that you’re going to ignore his or her advice? Here are a few things that you could say:

  • “Thanks for your input! But I’d really like to try and work through this on my own.”
  • “I like your suggestion. But I don’t think it’s a good fit for this particular project.”
  • “That’s a good idea, but the client/team/manager wants us to go in a different direction.”
  • “I really appreciate your help, but I already have a plan in mind.”

So remember – try not to get annoyed, be objective, keep an open mind, and (if necessary) let your coworker down easily. Good luck!

 

Kalish, A. (n.d.). 4 phrases to shut down unsolicited advice from your co-workers. The Muse. Retrieved from: https://www.themuse.com/advice/four-phrases-shut-down-unsolicited-advice-at-work

 

Five Things That Managers Shouldn’t Say

By in Communication, Leadership Tags: , , ,

Bad_Manager

Managing other people can be a tough job. It’s not unusual to have to deal with difficult situations, and it can sometimes be hard to know what to say. So when you have to give negative feedback or deliver unhappy news, you might find yourself resorting to the use of old tried-and-true phrases like “It’s always darkest before the dawn.”

Now don’t get me wrong – some old sayings are helpful and even comforting. (I kind of like that “darkest before the dawn” one.) But others may be sending the wrong message. Instead of motivating your team or helping them to understand a difficult situation, you may unwittingly be making things worse.

Author Jeff Haden has compiled a list of phrases that managers should never say. Here are five to avoid:

  1. “This is probably not what you want to hear.” If you have bad news to deliver, just say it. Don’t start by telling your employees that it’s not what they want to hear. It doesn’t soften the blow. And it shifts the responsibility off of you and onto them. You’re telling them that it’s their problem – you won’t be tackling it together.
  2. “There is no ‘I’ in team.” The best teams are comprised of people with different backgrounds, ideas, and skill sets. So it’s not helpful or beneficial to suggest that your employees should abandon their unique viewpoints and fall into line with the rest of the group. Open communication and an appreciation for new ideas help to strengthen teams – not weaken them.
  3. “Work smarter, not harder.” This one is so mean. If you say this to your employees, you’re telling them that they’ve been going about their work in a stupid way. Insulting your employees won’t motivate them to try harder.
  4. “Failure is not an option.” This is a good one if you want to increase your employees’ level of stress and unhappiness. Failure is always possible, no matter how much you might work to avoid it. So telling your employees that it’s not an option is putting a huge burden on them. No pressure or anything.
  5. “It is what it is.” This phrase shuts people down. You’re basically saying that the situation is not going to change, so you don’t want to hear any feedback from your employees. If you say this, you’re preventing your employees from sharing their ideas and possibly making the situation better.

 

Haden, J. (2017, August 23). 19 things great bosses refuse to say (and terrible bosses say all the time). Inc. Retrieved from https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/things-great-bosses-refuse-to-say-yet-terrible-bos.html?cid=hmmore

Working With Persnickety Clients

By in Communication, Learning Tags: ,

Difficult_Client

Working on projects with clients generally takes tact, diplomacy, good communication skills, a willingness to compromise – and sometimes, a lot of patience. This is especially true when you have clients who have a tendency to be a bit difficult and persnickety. I mean, you want to produce a good product and make your clients happy! But fussy clients can sometimes be difficult to please.

So if you find yourself in this type of situation, here are a few ways to keep things running smoothly:

  • View criticism in a positive light – If you share an idea, a mock-up, or first draft of a document with your clients, and they respond with a lot of criticism, try to see this as a positive thing! Even though it would have been wonderful if they had loved what you produced, their critical feedback is actually very valuable. It helps you to gain a better understanding of what they’re looking for. And it should help to get you all on the same page.
  • Try not to take it personally – It’s hard not to get upset when clients criticize something that you’ve worked hard on. But unfortunately, it’s often part of the job. Even though you’re doing quality work, people often have different opinions about how things should be done. Remember that it’s not a reflection on you or your skills.
  • Focus on finding solutions – If a client is unhappy with a sample or draft that you produced, you can apologize briefly. But don’t go overboard. Instead, try to focus on what will make the clients happy and what you can do to make them pleased and satisfied. Ask your clients to be specific about what they like and don’t like. Stay calm and positive.
  • Keep trying – Don’t give up. You CAN make these clients happy! Just keep listening to their feedback and trying to incorporate it into the product. Eventually you will be able to produce something that makes everyone satisfied!

 

Hamill, K. (2014, August 15). “I’m not happy”: What to do when a client hates your work. Freelancers Union. Retrieved from https://blog.freelancersunion.org/2014/08/15/im-not-happy-what-do-when-client-hates-your-work/

How to Get Your Boss to Give You Feedback

By in Communication Tags:

Getting_Feedback

Do you have a boss who is reluctant to give you any feedback? Are you unsure of what your boss thinks of you or your work? If so, you might be feeling a little anxious or uncomfortable. It can sometimes be hard to be happy and productive when you don’t know where you stand.

So how can you encourage your boss to give you some feedback? Here are a few suggestions:

  • Suggest that there’s room for improvement – If your boss is the type of person who is afraid to hurt anyone’s feelings, it can sometimes be helpful to mention that there’s always room for improvement. For instance, you could say, “This project was successful, but I’m wondering if it could have been managed a little better. What do you think?” This type of comment could make it easier for your boss to open up and share his or her opinions.
  • Get specific – If your boss only tells you general things like, “You need to be more of a team player,” ask for specifics. Say something like, “Can you give me an example of what that would look like?” or “What are a few things that I could be doing to help me achieve that?” Asking for details can help you to clarify what your boss is saying.
  • Compliment your boss on feedback you received in the past – If your boss has ever provided you with feedback in the past, mention how helpful it was to you. Then ask your boss if he or she has any additional suggestions. Complimenting prior feedback might encourage your boss to provide more.
  • Ask your boss what other people think of your work – If your boss just finds it too painful to critique you in any way, ask your boss to tell you what other people think of your work. Your boss will probably mention things that he or she agrees with.

And no matter what your boss says, always stay calm and positive. Even if you don’t agree with the feedback that you’re getting, thank your boss for his or her input. (This will encourage your boss to provide more feedback in the future.) And try to find the helpful bits of information that might be mixed in with other, less helpful suggestions.

 

Shellenbarger, S. (2016, June 28). How to find out what the boss really thinks of you. The Wall Street Journal. Retrieved from http://www.wsj.com/articles/how-to-find-out-what-the-boss-really-thinks-of-you-1467138157

 

Avoid These Coaching Missteps

By in Leadership Tags: , ,

dreamstime_s_33646745

The most effective leaders in any organization are those who have mastered the art of coaching. The goal of the coach should be to increase the team’s accountability, clarity, empowerment, problem-solving abilities, self-correction, confidence, integrity, personal growth, and, of course, productivity.

To enhance your coaching skills, you may need to eliminate or minimize some common (and tempting!) responses that can get in the way. These responses are ineffective because they will likely put other people on the defensive, dilute their accountability/confidence, or distract them from solving problems creatively. Here’s a list of “10 deadly missteps”:

  • Analyze — Hmm. Maybe you’re suffering from depression.
  • Judge — If you hadn’t rushed into that decision, maybe you wouldn’t be whining about it now.
  • Offer advice — Well, here’s what I would do…
  • Reject — Oh, you don’t really feel that way.
  • Ignore — (silence)
  • Disagree — You shouldn’t be upset with Tony. You’re the one who is wrong!
  • Defend — Why are you angry with Mary? She’s so nice…
  • Take over — Don’t worry. I’ll speak to Terry for you.
  • Preach — People today just don’t want to work hard!
  • Contradict — Yes, but…

Did you see anything in this list that you tend to do? Don’t worry: Most leaders use these responses from time to time. Your assignment now is to replace these responses with ones that help others solve problems, be accountable, and take action!

 

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