conversation

Do You Know When to End a Conversation?

By in Communication Tags: , ,

Happy coworkers standing and interacting together in the office

When you’re chatting with a customer or client, how long should you talk? Five minutes? Ten? Twenty?

My mom always says that you should leave while the other person still wants you to stay (rather than waiting until the person is sick and tired of you). But I think that’s very difficult to judge! And apparently, I’m not the only one who has trouble determining how long a conversation should last.

According to a recent study by Adam Mastroianni and Daniel Gilbert of Harvard University, most people are pretty bad at determining when other people are ready to end a conversation. And as a result, conversations tend to drag on longer than anyone wants them to. Simply put, people have a hard time knowing when to stop talking.

But there is something that can do to get a little better at judging when a conversation should end. The secret is to listen for verbal cues and to keep a close eye on the other person’s body language.

You’ll know when the person you’re talking to wants to end the conversation if he or she exhibits one or more of the following signs:

  • Giving short “yes or no” answers to questions
  • Taking long pauses before answering questions
  • Acting distracted (looking around, not making eye contact, glancing at his or her watch)
  • Standing up or (if already standing) angling his or her body away from you
  • Pointing his or her feet away from you
  • Summarizing what you’ve been talking about (a.k.a. wrapping things up)
  • Getting fidgety
  • Talking about all of the other things that he or she needs to be doing

In contrast, it’s likely that a person wants to continue talking to you if he or she exhibits one or more of these signs:

  • Acting relaxed (no fidgeting)
  • Leaning towards you
  • Making eye contact
  • Listening to what you’re saying and asking follow-up questions
  • Giving detailed responses to your questions

Good luck with your small talk! And remember to watch for the signs!

 

Thibodeaux, W. (2018, December 5). Want to be a master conversationalist? Harvard research says you need to fix this first. Inc. Retrieved from: https://www.inc.com/wanda-thibodeaux/want-to-be-a-master-conversationalist-harvard-research-says-you-have-to-fix-this-first.html

How to Talk to Strangers

By in Communication Tags: , ,

Delegates Networking During Conference Lunch Break

If you’re an introvert (like me), work events that involve networking probably strike fear in your heart. You know that you’re supposed to circulate and talk to new people. But starting conversations with strangers is so difficult! How do you even begin?

Approaching a stranger and striking up a conversation can be really challenging. But luckily, author Karen Herzberg has a few tips to make the process easier! Here is her list of seven ways to successfully strike up a conversation:

  1. Acknowledge that you’re suffering together – You’re probably not the only person who’s feeling uncomfortable at a networking event. Networking isn’t easy for a lot of people. So just be honest about it! Walk up to a person and say, “Networking is so difficult, isn’t it? I always feel so awkward!”
  2. Focus on the positive – Did you attend an interesting session earlier in the day? Are the conference facilities nice? Are there tasty snacks or drinks available? If so, talk about it! Say something like, “Have you tried the mini-cheesecakes? They’re delicious!”
  3. Be complimentary – Another way you can break the ice is by paying someone a compliment. If you saw the person give a presentation or speech, you can compliment him or her on it. Or, you can compliment the person on something that he or she is wearing. (“I love your shirt!”) Just don’t compliment people on their physical appearance (eyes, hair, skin, etc.). That might be creepy.
  4. Ask for the person’s opinion – If the networking event is part of a conference, you can ask someone what he or she thought of a certain session. For instance, you might say, “Did you see that presentation about beekeeping? What did you think of it?”
  5. Ask for help – Another ice-breaker that you can use is to ask someone for help. For instance, you can ask someone how to get to a certain conference room. Just be ready with a follow-up question, because after the person provides you with assistance, the conversation could easily be over!
  6. Offer to provide help – Do you see someone who looks a little confused, burdened, or frazzled? Offer your assistance! It could be a great way to start a conversation, and the person will probably be very appreciative!
  7. Find common ground – This final technique can really be used in combination with the other items on this list. It simply involves finding things that you have in common with the other person. For instance, you might say, “Where did you grow up?” or “What department do you work in?” If you can discover a connection with the other person, you’ll have an instant bond and a lot to talk about!

 

Hertzberg, K. (2017, October 1). 7 practical tips on how to start a conversation. Grammarly Blog. Retrieved from: https://www.grammarly.com/blog/how-to-start-a-conversation/

 

Keep Talking, You’re Just My Type

By in Communication, Living Well Tags: , , , ,

Texting_Not_Talking

Sorry, everyone. This is not relationship advice on how to flirt with that one guy you always see at the coffee shop before you leave.

Well, maybe it could be. It depends on how you use the information I’m about to tell you.

Six billion people have access to phones, and phones help us communicate. The entire world is right at our fingertips! But where is the line drawn? When does using our devices become too much?

In many conversations I’ve encountered, I have constantly seen people looking down to use their phones. Whether it’s another Snap they need to take, or a text they need to answer, it just doesn’t stop. And I’m not going to lie, it’s pretty annoying. What is so important that you don’t even have the common decency to pay attention?

Face-to-face conversations are important to human interaction.

The thing about online communication is it provides only a fraction of verbal communication and almost no non-verbal communication. When trying to relate to a person or trying to get to know someone better, both verbal and non-verbal communication is key. Both indicate different thoughts and feelings to the listener, but it’s something we lose when using online communication.

This isn’t the fault of our phones though.  It’s due to the human desire to not want to be alone or awkward. Nobody wants to be bored during a conversation, so we turn to our phones as a safe haven.

But the truth is, we need that moment of blunderingly fidgeting around to build better human relations with the people around us.

Sherry Tuckle wrote a book called Reclaiming Conversation. In this book, Tuckle came up with a way to alleviate this miscommunication and phone addiction: the seven-minute rule.

The seven-minute rule states that if you ever find yourself in a lull during a face-to-face conversation, give it seven minutes before you take your phone out.

The moment of boredom you so humanly dislike actually allows your brain to run through thoughts and come up with new ideas to talk about. You’re in a situation in which you have to come up with something to say, and you can use that to further the conversation with the people you’re talking to.

So the next time you ever feel awkward in a conversation, just wait around for a little while until you make the decision to take your phone out. Maybe you’ll gain a new friend. Or even that guy at the coffee shop.

 

 

Suttie, J. (2015, Dec. 7). How smartphones are killing conversation. The Greater Good Science Center. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_smartphones_are_killing_conversation

How to Have Great Conversations

By in Communication Tags: ,

Good_Conversation

Do you sometimes have trouble conversing with your coworkers and clients? Do you ever feel like you have a hard time engaging with people or getting your point across? Do you dread awkward pauses and uncomfortable silences?

If so, you’re certainly not alone. A lot of people have a difficult time interacting with others. Luckily, conversation skills can be learned and (with a little practice) it’s easy to make improvements! In her TED Talk, “10 ways to have a better conversation,” speaker Celeste Headlee provides straightforward, practical advice on how to have more interesting, rewarding conversations.

 

 

Thoughts and Comments

By in Communication, Learning Tags:

ClassDiscussion

Good instructors are always conscious that the model of the facilitator being the “sage on the stage” is outmoded. A good facilitator knows that the required knowledge is often in the minds of the participants. Skillfully managed conversations can bring out this knowledge, and the participants will leave an event far more enlightened than if the instructor attempted to pour a “bucket of knowledge” into their minds.

This shift creates a democratization of the classroom experience giving everybody in the room an equal voice. My good friend and colleague in learning, Peter Frampton, the president of Accounting Comes Alive, gave our team a very practical tip recently that promotes equal participation. Avoid the temptation to ask participants if they have “any questions.” Instead, say “Any thoughts or comments?” You will find that that your participants will respond better and feel more included in the process.

And why not extend that to your meetings? I used to work for a boss who would ask people in meetings, “Do you understand?” This created the impression that she believed that she was intellectually superior to her colleagues. At best people would nod obligingly, but they didn’t experience the engagement that a lively discussion can stimulate.