Most of us have heard of the “the Golden Rule.” It’s a basic principle that’s usually worded something like this: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” (Or, as my Mom used to say, “Treat other people like you want to be treated.”) It’s a good concept. It’s all about having empathy for others. But according to psychologist Peter Langton, it’s the wrong approach to take at the office.

In an office setting, you’re interacting with a wide variety of people who often have different skills, personalities, working styles, and world views. So it’s very possible that your coworkers may not appreciate being treated the same way that you like being treated.

I once had a boss who was a huge sports fan, and there was nothing he liked better than a sports analogy. During every conversation, he would work in a story about his former football coach and the things that he had learned while being a member of the team. He would often get really emotional while telling these stories. It was clear that he loved this stuff. But the rest of the office didn’t share his passion and his sports analogies didn’t tend to go over very well. Instead of being inspired by his sports stories, I think most people felt a little uncomfortable and confused.

So if you shouldn’t follow the Golden Rule, how should you behave? Langton suggests that you start by doing the following:

  1. Know yourself – Take an honest assessment of yourself, and identify your strengths and weaknesses.
  2. Learn about the people you work with – Figure out what your coworkers’ needs are. Determine the ways in which they’re similar to you, and identify the ways that they’re different. It’s quite possible that they have strengths that you lack (and vice versa).

Once you’ve done those two things, you’ll be able to benefit from the varied strengths and skills that your coworkers have to offer. You’ll be able to support your coworkers, and you’ll know who to talk to when you need help. You’ll also be able to do the most important thing – treat other people like they want to be treated.

 

Langton, P. (2016). The golden rule is wrong. Talent Development, 70(7), 72-73.