honesty

How to Tell a Coworker That Their Idea Is Terrible

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Reacting_to_Bad_Idea

Have you ever had a coworker come to you with an idea that they think is wonderful and amazing – and you absolutely hate it? What should you say to your excited coworker? How can you tell them that their idea is trash without coming across as short-sighted and mean?

Well, if you’ve ever been in this awkward situation and been unsure of what to do, author Kathryn Vasel is here to help. There is a way to get your message across without discouraging or upsetting your coworker. Just follow these steps:

  • Keep an open mind – When your coworker is telling you about their idea, try to keep an open mind. Even if your immediate reaction is negative, try to put that aside and really listen to what your coworker has to say. Yes, there may be certain things about the idea that you don’t like. But there might be some good elements in there too.
  • Ask a few questions – Get your coworker to think critically about their idea by asking a few questions, such as “Do you think we have the time and resources to put this project together?” or “Do you think the client would be satisfied with this approach?” Get your coworker to see the weaknesses in their idea so they’ll be able to reshape it into something more effective and doable.
  • Be honest – Even if you hate an idea, you can still say that it’s “interesting.” (It’s a better adjective than “terrible.”) But you should also be honest about your concerns. Tell your coworker that you think the idea has some shortcomings, and then clearly explain what they are.
  • Get a second opinion – Ask yourself if the reason why you don’t like the idea is because you’re afraid to try something new. If you’re not sure whether the idea is truly bad, or whether you don’t like it because you’re wary of change, don’t give your coworker immediate feedback. Instead, ask for a second opinion. Talk to another coworker and see what they think. It can often be really helpful to get another person’s perspective.

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Vasel, K. (2019, October 15). How to tell a colleague you hate their idea without crushing their spirit. CNN Business. Retrieved from: https://www.cnn.com/2019/10/15/success/work-colleague-bad-idea

How to Be Honest

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Be_Honest

I think that honesty is always the best policy at work. If a project isn’t going well, I tell my manager about it. If I make a mistake, I own up to it. But I do sometimes struggle with being honest when I know that my message is going to hurt a coworker’s feelings. Should you really “tell it like it is” when you know you’re going to upset someone else? Or is it better to soften your message or just not mention it?

If you’ve also struggled with this issue, you’re not alone. A survey by Fierce Inc. revealed that 80% of workers aren’t always honest because they’re fearful of hurting a coworker’s feelings. But author Taryn Oesch believes that you should be honest, even about difficult subjects.

Oesch argues that if you’re not honest with other people, then the problems that exist are going to continue and possibly escalate. And the coworker that you’re trying to protect could end up in an even worse situation. Being honest about the problems will likely benefit your coworker (and the company) in the long run.

So Oesch believes that you you should and can be honest. You just need to follow these steps:

  • Be candid AND kind – You need to be honest but also kind. Don’t deliver your message angrily or aggressively. Be honest, but also listen to what your coworker has to say, and show empathy. If changes need to be made, offer to help your coworker if you can.    
  • Provide feedback the right way – Begin by focusing on the good things that your colleague is doing. Then talk about the specific behaviors that have been causing a problem. Be clear and honest, but don’t dwell on these issues. Instead, focus on the future, and how a few changes could make things better moving forward.
  • Establish a baseline of trust – Try to form trusting relationships with your colleagues. Be honest with them about your own struggles at work. If you like and trust each other, it will be much easier to provide honest feedback.
  • Be open to receiving feedback from others – If you’re going to be honest with your coworkers about the problems that exist, you have to also be open to receiving feedback from them. Don’t get defensive or angry. Listen to their message, consider it carefully, and attempt to make positive changes in the future.

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Oesch, T. (2019, July 23). Tiptoeing isn’t nice: 5 tips to be both kind and candid. Training Industry. Retrieved from: https://trainingindustry.com/articles/leadership/tiptoeing-isnt-nice-5-tips-to-be-both-kind-and-candid/

The Upside of Being Vulnerable

By in Living Well No Comments Tags: , ,

Cute cat lying on the back like on a carpet

I think we all want to feel valued and respected at work. We want to be viewed as competent and in control. We don’t want to show any weakness. So we often hide our vulnerabilities.

But according to author Deanna deBara, this is a mistake. Because pretending that you’re perfect and never make mistakes will cause your coworkers to view you as inauthentic and possibly untrustworthy. It will prevent you from taking risks because you’re so afraid of making a misstep. And it will make the people around you feel like they also have to pretend to be perfect, even though they’re not. No one has all the answers. And everyone makes mistakes.

Being vulnerable at work allows you to stop pretending. It allows everyone to be more daring, innovative, and creative because they don’t have to be so afraid of failure. And it will help you to form closer bonds with your coworkers, because they’ll be able to see the real you.

But if you’re not used to showing any vulnerability at work, it can be difficult to know how to start. deBara suggests that you try doing the following:

  • Tell people when you have a problem at work that you don’t know how to solve – You don’t need to know how to solve every problem. It’s OK to admit to others when you’re not sure what to do. Talk about your situation and ask for help.
  • Admit when you’re wrong – If you do make a mistake, own up to it. Don’t try to cover it up or blame other people. Your coworkers will appreciate your honesty and respect you for it.
  • Don’t demand perfection – No one is perfect. So you can’t expect your coworkers to be perfect. If you’re working on a project with other people, and they deliver 80% of the time, then they’re doing good work.
  • Practice – If you’re not used to being vulnerable around your coworkers, it can be a really tough thing to do. So to make the process a little easier, try opening up to a coworker you trust. The more you practice, the easier it will get.
  • Be real – Really try to be open, honest, and authentic with the people around you. Drop the façade, and let your coworkers see the real you (imperfections and all). Being honest with people can be scary. But it’s definitely worth the effort.

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deBara, D. (2018, June 4). Why it’s time to take off your workplace armor. Medium. Retrieved from: https://medium.com/taking-note/why-its-time-to-take-off-your-workplace-armor-18f2309ce6f2

How to Be Honest and Direct Without Upsetting People

By in Communication No Comments Tags: ,

Too_Honest

I once had a coworker who was always very honest and direct. She spoke her mind and voiced her opinions. And she took a lot of pride in always “telling it like it is.” I thought she was terrifying.

I never knew what might come out of her mouth. I guess it was good that she always told the truth. But she often said hurtful things, and I was always afraid that I would be the next person to receive her brutally honest feedback. I didn’t want her to tell me that my shirt was ugly – even if it was.

So what should you do to avoid being like my terrifying coworker? How can you be direct and honest without being unkind? Experts suggest that you follow these three steps:

  1. Investigate before you speak – Make sure to pause before you speak. Think about what you want to say. And before offering your honest opinion, make sure you have a full understanding of the situation. Ask questions and investigate the other person’s point-of-view.
  2. Don’t get personal – It’s OK to criticize an idea that you think is ill conceived. But never criticize the person who generated that idea. Even if a discussion gets heated, never tell people that they’re “ridiculous,” “selfish,” “uninformed,” or any other type of personal insult.
  3. Get to know your coworkers – People won’t listen to you if they don’t know you and trust you (even if you are right). So take the time to get to know your coworkers and form relationships with them. They’ll be much more likely to listen to you and respect your opinions (even if they differ from their own).

 

Stillman, J. (2015, November 16). 3 ways to be direct (without being rude). Inc. Retrieved from http://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/be-direct-not-rude-3-tips.html