sorry

How to Say You’re Sorry

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Sorry_Stickie

Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. So I’m sure that at some point during your career, you made a mistake and upset one of your coworkers. And afterwards, you probably apologized.

But did you apologize in the correct way? A couple years ago, I wrote an article about the wrong ways to apologize. The worst offenders include the following:

  • Saying “I’m sorry” in a flippant, insincere way, and providing no explanation for your mistake
  • Following up your apology with a “but” (“I’m sorry I said that, but you shouldn’t have forgotten to bring the coffee to the meeting.”)
  • Going overboard with your apology in an effort to fish for a compliment from your coworker

Apologizing incorrectly usually won’t make the other person feel better. Instead, it will often have the opposite effect. You’ll probably make the person feel more angry, resentful, and defensive.

So how should you apologize? Author Brian de Haaff suggests that you follow five steps:

  1. Think before you apologize – Before you say anything to the person that you upset, take a little time to think about how your mistake affected that person, and how he or she is probably feeling. If you try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, it will help you to be more sincere and authentic in your apology.
  2. Say the words “I am sorry” – Don’t try to gloss over your mistake by avoiding these words. And don’t say the dreaded “I am sorry, BUT…” Just say you’re sorry.
  3. Be specific – Provide details about what you’re apologizing for, and try to be open and honest. You could say something like, “I’m sorry that I snapped at you during the team meeting. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. But that’s no excuse. It was really uncalled for and I shouldn’t have done it.”
  4. Be empathetic – Acknowledge the fact that your actions hurt your coworker. Say something like, “I realize that I probably upset and embarrassed you. I know I wouldn’t want to be treated that way.”
  5. Ask for forgiveness – Finally, ask your coworker to forgive you. And tell your coworker that it’s OK if they’d like to take a little time to think about it. Sometimes, after an upsetting event, people need a little time and space before they can forgive and move on.

…

de Haaff, B. (2017, August, 1). 5 ways to say “sorry” to a co-worker. The Huffington Post. Retrieved from: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/5-ways-to-say-sorry-to-a-co-worker_b_59808299e4b0cb4fc1c73c31

How to Stop Saying You’re Sorry

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Sorry_Note

Do you tend to apologize a lot? Do you say you’re sorry multiple times a day? Do you apologize for things that are not under your control or not your fault? Do you apologize to inanimate objects when you mistakenly bump into them? (I do this. Please tell me I’m not the only one.)

If you answered “yes” to these questions, it’s possible that you’ve gotten into the habit of apologizing and you may do it too frequently. Now don’t get me wrong – sometimes it’s important and necessary to say you’re sorry! But if you frequently apologize when an apology is not actually necessary, it can cause you to have unwarranted feelings of guilt and unhappiness.

So how can you break this habit? Try this simple solution. Instead of saying “I’m sorry,” say “thank you.” For example:

  • Don’t say: I’m sorry about the typo in my report.
  • Say this instead: Thank you for noticing the typo in my report.
  • Don’t say: I’m sorry I’m a few minutes late to this meeting.
  • Say this instead: Thank you for waiting for me!
  • Don’t say: Sorry that I’m rambling.
  • Say this instead: Thank you for helping me to organize my ideas.

Saying “thank you” instead of “I’m sorry” puts a positive spin on the situation. Your coworkers will appreciate you thanking them, and you won’t be left feeling uncomfortable and guilty. It might take a little conscious effort to make this change, but it could be well worth it. If you do decide to give this technique a try, please share your results in the Comments section below!

 

Boogaard, Kat. (n.d.). The two words you should start saying instead of “I’m sorry.” The Muse. Retrieved from https://www.themuse.com/advice/the-two-words-you-should-start-saying-instead-of-im-sorry?ref=carousel-slide-0

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