Communication

How to Deal With Office Gossip

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Gossip

Let’s be honest – people like to gossip. I think it happens in most workplaces, especially within close-knit groups.

But is that really a bad thing? The word “gossip” sounds negative, but it can actually have some positive effects. Research indicates that office gossip can help people to relieve feelings of stress and frustration, and gain a greater sense of power and control over their situation.

But what if YOU are the focus of office gossip? And what if it’s hard to take? If that’s the case, then it’s helpful to know how to deal with it. The approach that you choose really depends on the type of gossip that’s being circulated.

  • Type of Gossip: Harmless and innocent.
    Best Response: Do nothing. Roll with it.
  • Type of Gossip: False and potentially damaging – and you know who started the rumors.
    Best Response: Tell the person or people who started the rumors that the rumors aren’t true. Be calm and reasonable, and try to use some humor if you can. Don’t get angry or overreact. You want to diffuse the tension and not give people more things to talk about.
  • Type of Gossip: False and potentially damaging – and you have no idea who started the rumors.
    Best Response: Talk to a group of coworkers whom you trust, and explain why the rumors are false and upsetting. These individuals will stand up for you when you’re not around, and help to stop the rumors from circulating further.

 

Shellenbarger, S. (2014, October 8). They’re gossiping about you. The Wall Street Journal, pp. D1, D2.

It’s Good to Have Troublemakers on Your Team

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Troublemaker

It’s great to work with people who share your opinions. It feels so wonderful and easy when everyone on a team gets along, and when everyone is always in agreement about what course of action to take. But is this really the ideal type of work situation to be in? Author Ali Donaldson would argue that it’s not.

According to Donaldson, it’s important to have “troublemakers” on a team. Now, these aren’t people who are rude, mean, or abrasive. They’re just people who are willing to question the decisions that are being made by the group, and disagree with the majority’s opinion when they think it might be problematic. They’re not afraid of “rocking the boat” if it means that the final product will be more valuable and effective.

Can a “troublemaker” sometimes be frustrating to other group members? The answer is probably “yes.” But are they also essential members of the team? The answer to that question is also “yes.” Troublemakers can identify potential problems that others may not want to consider for the sake of group harmony. Their input is important. And every effort should be made to ensure that they feel free to share their honest thoughts and opinions.

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Donaldson, A. (n.d.). Why you want to cultivate a team of professional troublemakers at work. Inc. Retrieved from: https://www.inc.com/ali-donaldson/luvvie-ajayi-jones-awe-luv-media-professional-troublemaker.html

How to Work With People Who Frustrate You

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Frustrating_Person

Are there people at work who annoy you? Do you find them difficult to work with? Do they make your job more stressful? If the answer to those questions is “yes,” then you know what it’s like to work with frustrating people.

I think most people have experienced this at some point in their career. In the workplace, a bunch of different people (with different personalities and working styles) are put together and asked to work as a team. It’s not surprising that those people don’t always get along.

But according to author Mat Apodaca, there are things that you can do to make the situation better. You can make your relationship with a frustrating individual less stressful, more productive, and more harmonious by doing the following:

  • Be kind – Working with the frustrating person might make you feel angry. But you should never express that anger – that would only make things worse. Instead, when you’re interacting with the person, you should try to stay calm and be kind. Kindness will help to diffuse the situation, and the frustrating person is likely to become more flexible and agreeable.
  • Show compassion – Keep in mind that you don’t know what other people are dealing with in their lives. So the difficult person may be feeling stressed for reasons that have nothing to do with you or the project you’re working on together. This isn’t an excuse for bad behavior. But if you try to be patient and understanding, it will help you to communicate with the person more effectively.
  • Find common ground – Try to find out if you have something in common with the frustrating person. Maybe you both like the same kind of music or you both hate seafood. If you can find common ground, it will give you something fun and neutral to talk about. And it will help you to build a better relationship.
  • Provide some perspective – The frustrating person may not fully understand the amount of thought and effort that you’ve put into the project that you’re both working on. Make sure to provide the person with this background information so they understand the reasoning behind your ideas and suggestions.
  • Distance yourself – You shouldn’t try to avoid the frustrating person. You work with this person, and you need to be able to interact with them. But when things are tense, it’s OK to take a timeout. Put a little distance between yourself and the frustrating person until things have cooled off a little bit.
  • Consider your own behavior – Ask yourself if your behavior may be making the situation worse. Are you doing or saying something that might be causing the difficult person to get upset and react with anger? Even though you may be an excellent employee, it’s possible that you may have contributed to the problem in certain ways. If this is the case, do what you can to change the way you interact with the person. Remember to try to be calm, kind, and compassionate whenever possible.

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Apodaca, M. (n.d.). How to deal with difficult people: 10 expert techniques. Lifehack. Retrieved from: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/how-deal-with-difficult-people.html

Let’s Negotiate!

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Negotiation

Negotiation is a part of life. It’s how we work out our differences. We negotiate for big things (like buying a house or car), work-related things (like who will take responsibility for a project), and small things (like who will wash the dinner dishes).

I remember one of my first attempts at a big, important negotiation. I had just graduated from school and been offered a “real” job in an actual office, and I knew that this was my best opportunity to negotiate my salary. I tried, but it was a pretty pathetic exchange. Here’s how it went…

Hiring Manager: We’d like to offer you a job. We’ll pay you $ amount.
Me: That’s wonderful! But would it be possible to pay me something in the range of $$ instead?
Hiring Manager: No.
Me: OK, then! I accept the job!

Sad. Obviously, I wasn’t a great negotiator. But it is a really important skill and it’s something that I’ve been trying to get better at over the years. I think it requires practice and a certain amount of bravery. But it also requires having an understanding of key negotiating concepts.

According to Harvard Business Essentials, there are four key concepts that you must understand in order to negotiate successfully:

  • BATNA (best alternative to a negotiated agreement) –This is what you plan to do if a negotiation doesn’t work out. For example, let’s say that you’re house-hunting, and you’ve found two houses that you like. The one that you like best is a little more expensive than the other (and possibly a little overpriced). You decide to put an offer on the more expensive house and try to negotiate the price down. If you can’t negotiate it down, you intend to walk away from the deal and put an offer on the less expensive house. That’s your back-up plan – your BATNA. You need to know your BATNA before you start negotiating. If you don’t know what your alternatives are, you won’t know if someone is offering you a good deal or a bad one. And if your BATNA is weak, it puts you in a weak bargaining position. Try to strengthen it, if you can!
  • Reservation price – This is the worst deal that you’re willing to take. If you don’t get your reservation price, you’re walking away from the deal.
  • ZOPA (zone of possible agreement) – This is the range of offers that would satisfy both sides of the negotiation. It’s the zone where deals are made and both parties leave feeling satisfied. It’s basically the area between each negotiator’s reservation price. For example, let’s say that you’d like to buy a rare Star Wars action figure (still in the box!). You don’t want to go higher than $100. The seller doesn’t want to go lower than $75. The area between those two prices is the ZOPA.ZOPA2
    But what if the seller won’t go any lower than $110? Then there is no overlap, and no ZOPA. In situations like this, you could try to offer a little something extra – something that might have value to the seller but not be very important to you. And this brings us to our last concept…
  • Value creation through trades – Use your imagination and think creatively to come up with things that might have value to the other party. You can use those things to sweeten the deal and hopefully get something you want in exchange for something that you don’t really value. This requires both sides to communicate openly and honestly.

Remember, being able to negotiate is so beneficial! It can help you, both in your personal life and professional career. Hopefully these key concepts will make the process a little easier. Good luck!

Harvard Business Essentials: Negotiation. (2003). Boston, MA: Harvard Business School Press.

Careful – Rudeness Is Catching!

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Avoiding_Rudeness2

I’m sure we’ve all experienced rude behavior in the workplace. Even in the most civil environments, you encounter it. People might make sarcastic comments, snarky remarks, pointedly ignore a coworker, or roll their eyes. It’s not uncommon – approximately 98% of employees say that they’ve been the target of rude behavior at work.

It can certainly be hurtful when it happens. But here’s what’s really disturbing – it turns out that it can be catching. New research suggests that rudeness is actually contagious. It passes from one person to the next, often without people even realizing it.

In a recent study, researchers asked people to pair up and practice their negotiation skills. Then they assigned them to different partners, and asked them to continue negotiating. Here’s what they found:

  • People who initially worked with someone polite tended to behave politely when paired with a new person.
  • People who initially worked with someone rude were likely to behave in a rude manner when paired with a new person. They passed the rudeness along, just like the common cold.
  • The passage of time didn’t even seem to make a difference. When people initially negotiated with a rude person and then waited a week before negotiating with a new person, they were still more likely to behave rudely.

Even just witnessing rudeness tended to make people more likely to behave in a rude manner. That’s how contagious it appears to be.

Rude behavior can have a detrimental effect on people. It can be damaging to people’s performance, productivity, and creativity. So what can you do to protect yourself and others from this damaging contagion? The researchers who conducted the study offer simple advice… be nice.

 

Foulk, T. (2015, July 28). Rudeness is contagious. Gizmodo. Retrieved from http://gizmodo.com/rudeness-is-contagious-1720535575

 

Manipulative Things You Shouldn’t Say at Work

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Being_Manipulated

Working on teams can be frustrating. There may be times when you feel that things should be done in a certain way, but you can’t get a coworker to go along with your plan.

When this happens, you might be tempted to try to manipulate your coworker into doing what you want. Of course, this is never the right course of action. If you try to control your coworker, you run the risk of creating conflict and engendering ill will.

But according to author Monica Torres, it’s not unusual for people to say manipulative things to their coworkers in order to get their way. Often these phrases sound friendly and polite, but they’re actually designed to push people into taking a certain course of action. Some of these phrases are so subtle, the people saying them may not even realize that they’re trying to manipulate others.

So what types of manipulative things should you avoid saying? Torres provides the following list:

  • “Do you have a minute?” — It’s kind of impossible for someone to say “no” to this question, regardless of how busy they might be. So if you say it, you’re kind of forcing the other person to help you with your problem right away, even though it might not be the best time. Instead of asking if they have a minute, just tell your coworker that you have an issue that you need to talk about, and ask them when would be a good time to discuss it.
  • “Everyone agrees that…” — It’s very possible that you might be overestimating how much everyone agrees with you. In addition, it kind of sounds like you (and your other colleagues) are ganging up on your coworker. Instead of saying this phrase, you should just voice your own opinion. Let your colleagues speak for themselves, if they want to.
  • “I’m not saying that you should do it, but…” — Don’t kid yourself. If you use this phrase, you’re definitely telling your coworker that you think they should take a certain course of action. Just be honest and upfront about it.
  • “Don’t spend all night on this, but…” — You’re not being kind when you say this. You’re not telling the other person that they can take it easy. You’re telling them that you want them to put a lot of time and effort into the task – and if they have to stay up late to get it done, then they should (just so long as they don’t stay up ALL night). Instead of using this phrase, you should tell your coworker about the deadline, and talk to them about how long the task might take. Offer to extend the deadline, if possible.
  • “Don’t you agree?” — A lot of people might answer “yes” to this question, not because they actually agree with what was said, but because they’re afraid of coming across as difficult or argumentative. Instead of saying this phrase, just go with “what do you think?” This type of question will allow your coworker to give you an honest answer.

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Torres, M. (2021, November 4).  5 accidentally manipulative things you say at work. HuffPost. Retrieved from: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/accidentally-manipulative-phrases-say-at-work_l_61818011e4b087e2ef8f69f0

How to Build a Cohesive Team

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Happy_Cohesive_Team

Cohesive teams are groups of people who are willing to work together towards a common goal. They combine their talents, so they’re more skilled, competent, and effective than they would be alone. They trust each other, they’re committed to supporting the group effort, and they resolve conflicts quickly. And the members of cohesive teams tend to feel good about their jobs and their work.

So what can managers do to help build productive and effective cohesive teams? Here are a few suggestions:

  • Provide team members with clear goals – Make sure that you have clear goals for the team and for each member of the team, and make sure that team members are aware of these goals. The goals should be easy to understand and free of jargon. There should be no question about what team members are expected to do in order to meet (or exceed) these goals.
  • Provide team members with training opportunities – Provide your team members with the opportunity to get training in order to sharpen their existing skills or develop new ones. Make sure they know that asking for training doesn’t mean that they’re deficient in some way. Rather, it’s something that’s encouraged, because skillful, educated employees are more likely to be able to contribute to the team effort.
  • Communicate – Encourage your team members to communicate with you and each other (and provide them with the means to do so). When teams communicate freely and openly, it strengthens the connections between team members. It also allows for problems to be solved more quickly and easily.  
  • Build trust – In order to work together effectively, team members need to trust each other. To build trust, managers and team members need to be honest, kind, and respectful, and need to communicate openly and frequently. As a manager, make sure that you’re available if a team member needs to talk. The more accessible you are, the more likely your employees will be to speak to you freely and trust you with their ideas.
  • Work together to resolve conflicts – Even the most effective and cohesive team will occasionally experience conflict. When it happens, get team members to work together to come up with a solution. Don’t let the problem fester. Address it quickly, and make sure that all team members are satisfied with the proposed solution.
  • Celebrate team successes – When your team experiences some sort of success or achieves an important goal, make sure to celebrate it. Congratulate the entire team, rather than singling out one or two people. Acknowledge the fact that the entire team contributed to the success.

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Indeed Editorial Team. (2021, March 2). 10 steps to improve team cohesiveness in the workplace. Indeed. Retrieved from: https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/team-cohesiveness

Choose Your Words Carefully

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Choosing_Words_Carefully

Words are powerful. They can tear another person down in an instant. That’s why it’s so important to choose your words carefully when you’re at work, and to always think before you speak.

Honest communication is essential at the office. Teams can’t function without it. But it’s equally important to present your thoughts and ideas in ways that are respectful and considerate of others.

Here are four things that you should do when you’re speaking to your coworkers:

  • Take a pause – It’s often a good idea to pause before you speak, and take a little time to consider what you want to say. This will prevent you from using words that might be hurtful or misunderstood. In addition, a brief pause will indicate to others that you’re thinking about the issue carefully and taking it seriously.
  • Think about whether it’s necessary to say anything – It’s not always necessary to share your opinions. This is especially true when you feel like you don’t know how to voice your thoughts in a way that’s clear and respectful. In these situations, it’s better to sit back and listen to what other people have to say. One of your coworkers might voice an opinion that’s similar to yours (making it unnecessary for you to speak), or you might hear new ideas that make your rethink your position. Try to be open minded and carefully consider what other people have to say.
  • Don’t forget that you’re at work – You might use colorful language when you’re at home, but you shouldn’t do it at the office. Even if you have good relationships with your coworkers, always remember that you’re in a work setting and you need to be professional.
  • Apologize if you say the wrong thing – Everyone makes mistakes. And no matter how careful you might try to be, there may still be a time when you say the wrong thing. If this happens, you should immediately say you’re sorry. Acknowledge the fact that you shouldn’t have said what you did, and apologize for causing offense.

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n.a. (2020, January 15). 4 ways to think before you speak in the workplace (and elsewhere). Leadership Delta. Retrieved from: https://www.leadershipdelta.com/be-the-delta-blog/2020/1/15/4-ways-to-think-before-you-speak-in-the-workplace-and-elsewhere

Five Passive-Aggressive Things That You Shouldn’t Say to Your Coworkers

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Passive_aggressive

Work can sometimes be stressful and frustrating. Even on the most cohesive teams, there can be conflict. And that’s when people can sometimes say passive-aggressive things. Passive-aggressive comments convey anger, and can cause friction to develop between coworkers.  

So, of course, you should avoid saying passive-aggressive things. Even if you’re feeling frustrated, it’s important to maintain a good, solid working relationship with your colleagues. But what, exactly, is considered to be passive-aggressive? Sometimes it can be hard to know what not to say. Luckily, Monica Torres has provided a list of five common passive-aggressive comments that should never be uttered (and has suggestions about what you should say instead):

  1. “As I said in my previous email” or “As I mentioned earlier” — These statements suggest that the person you’re talking to has missed or ignored essential information that you worked hard to provide. In other words, you’re suggesting that they messed up. It’s the kind of thing that could really upset the person you’re talking to. A better approach would be to simply restate the information, and maybe add a few additional pieces of information. This will serve as a justification for you talking to your coworker a second time. In addition, your coworker will benefit from being updated and fully informed!
  2. “I’m going to ‘CC my manager” — Unless there’s a really good reason why your manager should be pulled into the conversation, don’t do it (or threaten to do it). Try to work things out yourself.
  3. “Obviously” or “Clearly” — These words suggest that the person you’re talking to has overlooked something obvious (and they’re not very smart). Instead of saying “obviously” or “clearly,” just be kind and tell the person what you think they need to know.
  4. “Many of us agree that…” — This phrase suggests that you’ve been talking about the issue behind your coworker’s back. It also sounds like you (and your other colleagues) are ganging up on your coworker. Basically, it’s a pretty aggressive statement. Instead of saying it, you should just voice your own opinion. Let your colleagues speak for themselves (if they want to).
  5. “No offense, but…” — Whatever you say after saying these three words are guaranteed to offend. Saying “No offense, but…” does not soften the blow. If you have to deliver negative feedback, do it the right way. Check out this article for tips on how to criticize someone nicely.

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Torres, M. (2021, October 12). The most common passive-aggressive phrases people say at work. HuffPost. Retrieved from: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/passive-aggressive-phrases-people-say-at-work_l_616462c1e4b019644427d691

How to Write a Great Out-of-Office Email Message

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Writing_Email_Message

When you’re going to be away from your desk for an extended period of time during regular business hours (and you won’t be responding to emails), you should set up an out-of-office message. An out-of-office message is an auto-reply email that lets people know that you’re away. They help to keep people informed, and ensure that things run smoothly in your absence.

But what should you actually say in your out-of-office message? How much information should you provide? Should you try to be funny? Should you keep it formal? There are a lot of things to consider!

If you’ve ever felt unsure about how to write an out-of-office message, here are a few tips:

  • There are basically only two pieces of information that you need to include. First, you should clearly indicate the dates when you’ll be gone. Second, you should provide the name and contact information for someone who can provide assistance if it’s an urgent matter.
  • In addition to presenting the essential information, feel free to add a brief, friendly message like “Thanks for your message,” or “Looking forward to talking to you soon.”
  • Don’t try to be funny. Remember that this email is going to be sent to lots of random people, and you don’t know how they might react to your type of humor. Keep it brief and formal.
  • Don’t disclose too much information. It’s not necessary to go into detail about why you’ll be out of the office. You can write a few words about it, if you’d like (for example, “I have jury duty” or “I’m on sabbatical”). But it’s actually not necessary to provide any information at all.
  • Don’t make promises that you won’t be able to keep. For instance, don’t promise to get back to the person “right away” as soon as you return to the office. You might not be able to manage it!

Here’s an example of a good out-of-office message. Feel free to use it!

Thank you for your email! I’m currently out of the office, and will be back on [date]. I’ll reply to your email as soon as possible after my return. If this is an urgent matter, please contact [coworker’s name and job title] at [coworker’s email address or phone number].

Best, [your name]

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Ellis, M. (2021, July 30). How to write an effective out-of-office message. Grammarly. Retrieved from: https://www.grammarly.com/blog/how-to-write-out-of-office-message/

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