conflict

Dealing With Conflict – Some Do’s and Don’ts

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OfficeConflict

We’ve all experienced occasional conflicts with other people. That’s what happens when you live and work with others. It’s impossible to be in perfect harmony at all times.

But it feels terrible, doesn’t it? I know there are some people who kind of enjoy arguing – but personally, I hate conflict and confrontations. It makes me feel stressed and sad. So the more quickly I can resolve a conflict, the better!

Sometimes, however, resolving conflicts can be difficult – especially if you use the wrong approach. That’s why I found Alan Sharland’s article, “Conflict as an opportunity,” to be interesting. He provides some helpful “Do’s” and “Don’ts” on how to resolve conflicts with friends and coworkers.

Don’t do this…

  • Don’t treat the conflict like a competition. If you focus only on “winning,” it’s likely that the conflict will escalate and become more antagonistic. And even if you manage to resolve the conflict, bad feelings will almost certainly remain.
  • Don’t try to avoid the person that you’re having a conflict with. I think I’m guilty of this one. It seems like a nice way to avoid confrontation! But unfortunately, this approach often doesn’t work. Avoiding people actually takes a lot of time and energy. And the conflict will remain unresolved.

Do this…

  • Do think of logical and practical steps that you can take to resolve the conflict. Instead of just focusing on the problem, try to think of realistic changes that you or others could make to alleviate the situation.
  • Do view the situation from the other person’s point of view. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. You’re probably not entirely right and the other person is probably not entirely wrong.
  • Do think about how you’ve reacted to the situation. Conflicts can be hard, but also great learning opportunities. Try to gain some new insight into your own motivations and feelings.

 

Sharland, A. (2014). Conflict as an opportunity. Training + Development, 68(7), 60-64.

Managing Two Bosses

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TwoBosses

It’s not unusual for people to have more than one boss. According to a 2017 Gallup survey, 44% of U.S. workers report to more than one person. This can sometimes lead to stress and conflict, especially if the two bosses are demanding that the employee devote all of his or her time to different projects. It can be a very difficult balancing act. But according to author Joann Lublin, it is possible to make it work. Just follow these steps:

  • Talk about expectations – Find out what your bosses expect from you. And if it seems like those expectations might conflict with each other (or there simply isn’t enough time in the day to complete all of the tasks they’ve assigned to you), make sure to discuss it with your bosses right away, before problems arise. Ask them to work with you to prioritize the work that you’ve been given. Hopefully they’ll be able to compromise, and you’ll be able to get your projects done without feeling overworked or overwhelmed.
  • Communicate frequently – Talk to both of your bosses regularly. They should both know what you’re working on, how it’s going, whether you’ve encountered any obstacles, when you expect to be finished, and what you’re going to be working on next. Talk to them every day, if you can. If both of your bosses are always fully informed about what you’re working on, they won’t feel slighted or ignored. They’ll know that you’re committed to getting their projects done.
  • Go over their heads (but only if absolutely necessary) – If your bosses just can’t seem to agree on what you should be working on, and you have multiple deadlines that you can’t meet, it might be time to talk to your bosses’ boss. This could make your bosses angry, so only do it as a last resort. And don’t blindside your bosses. Tell them that you’re going to contact their boss in an effort to work through the conflict and reach a compromise.
  • Give priority to the boss who has the most control over your future – Of course it’s important to try to please both of your bosses. But you might want to try the hardest with the boss who has control over whether you get a raise or a promotion. The boss who holds the most sway over you is the most important one to impress.

…

Lublin, J. S. (2020, August 3). When you have two bosses. The Wall Street Journal. p. R4.

5 Things You Shouldn’t Do if You Want Your Coworkers to Like You

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Dirty dishes in foam in the sink waiting for washing. Mugs, plates, cutlery.

We all want to be liked. It feels good to have friends at work.

But if you want your coworkers to view you in a favorable light, you should probably try not to annoy them! According to a recent survey by National Business Furniture and Kelton Global, there are certain workplace behaviors that tend to be especially irritating to others. Here are the top five:

  1. Being late all the time – What’s one of the worst things that you can do at work? Be constantly late for meetings and other work events. 77% of respondents found this type of behavior to be extremely frustrating. So if your coworkers are often forced to wait for you to arrive, you should try to be a little more punctual in the future.
  2. Not doing your dishes – If you leave your dirty dishes in the sink at work for a long time, your coworkers might be feeling a little unhappy about it. 77% of respondents said that they resented the fact that certain coworkers never washed their dishes. In addition, cooking stinky foods (like salmon) in the microwave was also viewed unfavorably by 52% of respondents.
  3. Playing loud music – It’s fine if you want to play music while you work. Just don’t play it loudly. 74% of respondents found this behavior to be unacceptable. So wear headphones or keep the volume low, and everyone will be happy!
  4. Having a noisy phone – You probably love your ringtone. But not all of your coworkers might feel the same way. 57% of respondents reported that smartphone noises (including loud ringtones) are distracting and annoying. So you should probably put your smartphone on vibrate when you’re in the office.
  5. Talking about sensitive subjects – Everyone has their own opinions about things like sex, politics, and religion. These topics are personal, and 59% of respondents thought that it’s not appropriate to discuss these things in an office setting. It’s best to talk about more neutral subjects at work to avoid making anyone feel uncomfortable.

Overall, a good rule of thumb is to simply treat your coworkers as you would like to be treated. They’ll appreciate it!

…

Carpenter, D. (2019, November 27). Leave the tuna casserole at home: Tackling the 5 biggest office pet peeves. Recruiter. Retrieved from: https://www.recruiter.com/i/leave-the-tuna-casserole-at-home-tackling-the-5-biggest-office-pet-peeves/

What to Do When You Have a Coworker You Don’t Like

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Business Conflict In Office

Do you have a coworker you just don’t like? It there something about the coworker’s personality or work style that bugs you? Do you hate it when you have to work on projects with this person? Do you try to avoid this coworker as much as possible?  

If so, it’s probably making your work life less satisfying and more stressful. Conflict is never fun. Research shows that when coworkers are angry with each other, it reduces their happiness and productivity. Life is just easier when everyone gets along.

So what should you do to remedy this situation? Here are a few suggestions.

  • Don’t badmouth your coworker – Even though it can be very satisfying to complain to your friends at work about the person you don’t like, don’t do it. Trash talking is mean, and the people who do it look like bullies. It will reflect badly on you.
  • Try to figure out why this coworker bugs you so much – Why does this person push your buttons? Is it because he or she reminds you of someone who upset you in the past? Or perhaps this person has qualities that you see in yourself and don’t like? Be honest with yourself about why you don’t like this individual. It might help you to be a little more forgiving.
  • Be kind (or at least professional) – If you always act irritated or annoyed when interacting with your coworker, your coworker will certainly pick up on it. And your coworker will treat you angrily in return. This type of toxic relationship is harmful to you and everyone else around you. So try being kind instead. Smile, greet your coworker in the morning, and maybe even chat a little bit at lunch. Try to be compassionate and see things from your coworker’s perspective. If you feel like this is too much to ask, that’s OK. But no matter what, you should always be fair, polite, respectful, and professional.
  • Uncover shared interests – Try to find some common ground with this person. Maybe you share the same taste in movies or have similar hobbies. Talking about shared interests can help you to get to know your coworker a little better, and like this person a little bit more.  
  • Remember that it’s OK not to like someone – You don’t have to be best friends with everyone in the office. It’s OK if you don’t have (or want) a close relationship with your coworker. But don’t waste your energy being angry, and don’t take minor slights personally. Try to rise above it, focus on your job, and enjoy your time at work.

…

Gelb, S. (n.d.). How to deal with a co-worker you don’t like – but everyone else is obsessed with. The Muse. Retrieved from: https://www.themuse.com/advice/how-to-deal-with-a-coworker-you-dont-likebut-everyone-else-is-obsessed-with

Workopolis. (2017, April 6). How to get along with a co-worker you don’t like. Workopolis. Retrieved from: https://careers.workopolis.com/advice/get-along-co-worker-dont-like/

Tensions at Work

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WorkTension

In almost any industry, there are tensions between groups of people. Creative people often call financial people “bean counters,” and they aren’t being complimentary. Ask nurses what they think about doctors, and you’ll hear stories of arrogance and self-importance. Go to any technology company, and you’ll hear about the sales force — people who will promise anything to get their commission without any idea about how the work will actually get done. Ask an NCO in the military, and you’ll hear about officers fresh out of school who don’t have a clue. People who work in the pharmaceutical industry talk about the conflicts between the marketing people and the people who work in compliance. Sales and marketing folks clash because the sales people are trying to sell through a process of dialogue while the marketing people are focused on the marketing message. Almost every industry has these conflicts.

Universities are no different. Go to any university, and the faculty will complain about the staff and the staff will complain about the faculty. You will hear that the faculty are arrogant and have a sense of entitlement, and that the staff are lazy, incompetent time-wasters.

The truth is that most people are diligent, hard working, conscientious, and honest. Finding fault with a whole group of people in your workplace is easy. It’s harder to figure out ways to work together, appreciate the skills and good will of one another, and complement one another rather than enter into unproductive combat.

Tensions can be healthy if approached the right way. Perhaps the best advice on how to turn unproductive bickering and name calling into productivity is to follow the fifth habit described by Steven Covey in The 7 Habit of Highly Effective People: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

It all boils down to approaching conflict with curiosity and developing seriously good listening skills.

 

Covey, S. R. (2004). The 7 habits of highly effective people: Restoring the character ethic. New York, NY: Free Press.