Communication

Are You a Jerk at Work?

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Acting_Like_A_Jerk

I care what my coworkers think of me. I think most of us do. Last week I asked my coworkers if they thought I was weird. They told me that it was weird of me to even ask. So I guess that answers that question.

But have you ever wondered if your coworkers think you’re a jerk? Well now you can find out! According to author Bruce Tulgan, your coworkers may think you’re a jerk if you engage in one or more of the following behaviors:

  • Blame others for mistakes that are made, even if you contributed to those mistakes.
  • Only consider what you want or need from others, rather than what you can offer them.
  • Take yourself very seriously, but don’t take your obligations to others very seriously.
  • Make fun of other people and/or call them names.
  • Don’t listen carefully when others are speaking and interrupt often.
  • Criticize other peoples’ work, but never offer any helpful suggestions on how to improve it.
  • Take credit for other peoples’ success.
  • Complain a lot, but never offer any ideas on how to make things better.
  • Lose your temper and raise your voice. (This is true even if you’re alone in your office and “taking to yourself.” If people can hear you being angry, it’s scary.)

So what should you do if you’re not viewed very favorably by your coworkers? Well, don’t despair. It’s a tough situation to be in, but it’s always possible to turn things around. Just try to avoid the behaviors listed above. If you can change your ways, you’ll slowly earn your coworkers’ trust and affection!

Tulgan, B. (2015, May 13). 10 signs that the jerk at work might be you. Huffington Post. Retrieved from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bruce-tulgan/10-signs-that-the-jerk-at_b_6865100.html

What to Do When You Don’t Know the Answer

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No_Answer

I think we’ve all experienced that terrible sinking feeling when your boss asks you a question and you have no idea what the answer is. It’s even worse if this happens in a meeting, and everyone is looking at you, waiting for a response.

So what should you do in this type of situation? Author Jodi Glickman suggests that you take a three-step approach:

  1. Talk about what you know. You might not know the answer to the question, but you probably know something about the situation or project. So share whatever relevant information that you have. (For instance, let’s say that your boss asks you how many people are visiting the company website each day. You don’t have these numbers, but you do know that the website has been getting a lot of traffic. So you could start by saying, “We know that the website is popular, and it’s been attracting a lot of visitors.”)
  2. Admit what you don’t know. Be honest about the fact that you don’t have the answer to the specific question that your boss is asking. (For instance, you might say, “Unfortunately, I don’t know the exact number of visitors per day.”)
  3. Explain how you will get the answer. Tell your boss what you will do to get the answer, when you should have it, and how you’ll deliver the information. (For instance, you could say, “I’ll talk to Bob about it today and send you an email with that information this afternoon.”)

But what if you can’t do step #1? What if you REALLY know nothing about a topic that you’re supposed to know something about?

If you experience this type of situation, don’t try to come up with an answer off the top of your head. It’s much better to say something like, “That’s a great question. I’ll look into it and get you an answer by tomorrow.” And don’t panic! We’ve all been there at one time or another!

 

Glickman, J. (2011, June 21). Stumped? How to answer a question you don’t know the answer to. AOL Finance. Retrieved from: http://www.aol.com/article/2011/06/21/stumped-how-to-answer-a-question-you-dont-know-the-answer-to/19956539/?jwp=1

 

How to Avoid Answering Personal Questions at Work (Without Hurting Anyone’s Feelings)

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Avoiding_Questions

It’s great to form friendships with your coworkers. Work friends are important! Research indicates that work friends help to make us more productive, focused, happy, healthy, and engaged.

But even though you might be close with your coworkers, there still might be things going on in your life that are private and that you’d rather not discuss. So, what should you do when you’re asked a personal question that you don’t want to answer? Saying something like “I don’t want to answer that” would certainly be direct, but it might also come across as harsh and unfriendly.

Here’s a different approach. It’s an easy two-step process that author Laura Dorwart says will allow you to dodge your coworker’s question without hurting their feelings.  

Step 1: Provide a short, generic, “non-answer”

Answer your coworker’s question by saying something so short and generic that it actually tells them nothing. Here are a few options:

  • “We’ll see!”
  • “Time will tell.”
  • “Oh, you know how it goes.”
  • “Who can say?”
  • “It is what it is.”
  • “Fine.”

Step 2: Pivot

The next step is to quickly change the subject by asking your coworker a question about an unrelated topic. It could be about work, what their plans are for the weekend, or how their dog is doing. It doesn’t really matter. You’re just trying to redirect the conversation.

Now here’s an example of both steps being used together…

  • Coworker: “How are things going with your relationship problems?”
  • You: “Oh, you know how it goes. Say, what are planning to order for lunch today?”

And that’s it! You have successfully avoided answering an awkward personal question without being rude or abrupt.

If you have tips or suggestions about other ways that this can be done, please feel free to share them in the Comments section below!

…

Dorwart, L. (2019, February 13). 17 amazing tricks for dodging unwanted questions. Best Life. Retrieved from: https://bestlifeonline.com/avoid-unwanted-questions/

Conducting Interviews – Ask the Right Questions!

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Interview_Questions

At my former job, we really put job applicants through the wringer. First, they had to be individually interviewed by practically everyone working there (including me). Then they had to go out for a meal with the boss, where they would be expected to answer more questions while also trying to avoid getting spinach stuck in their teeth. Challenging stuff.

So I conducted a lot of interviews, but I don’t think I was very good at it. I knew that certain qualities were essential to the job (like being detail-oriented), so I would ask about those things. But the exchanges were never very illuminating. They usually went something like this…

  • Me: Are you detail-oriented?
  • Applicant: Yes!
  • Me: Oh, that’s great.

So when I was recently asked to sit in on a group interview, I asked my boss (an excellent interviewer) what type of questions he would recommend I ask. He suggested that I get the applicant to tell a story – to tell us about a time when she was faced with a difficult problem, dealt with a demanding client, or contributed to a successful (or unsuccessful) project.

I went online and found that these are called “behavioral questions.” I also learned that these types of questions are very effective and revealing. Even though applicants are obviously going to tell you a success story, the details that they provide (and the way they tell it) can reveal a lot about their personality, attitude, and how they work with others.

So the next time you’re asked to interview someone, give behavioral questions a try! Stories about how applicants behaved in the past can tell you a lot about how they will behave in the future. And they reveal so much more than questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.”

 

How to Make Decisions Stick and Avoid Project Disruption

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Indecision

Does this scenario sound familiar?

You and your coworkers get assigned to a new project. You meet, discuss what needs to be done, and make a series of decisions about how the final product should look and function. Everyone is satisfied and gets to work. Time passes. And then – just when everything seems to be going smoothly – someone questions one or more of the decisions that were originally made. Work screeches to a halt. Tense meetings are held. And if the original decisions end up getting reversed, a lot of your time and energy has been lost.

I know I’ve experienced this before. And there’s nothing more frustrating. Sometimes, when miscalculations are made, it actually is necessary to revise early decisions. But in other cases, the early decisions were good – but people want to change them anyway.

So why do people insist or revisiting and revising good decisions? Here are three common causes and what you can do to prevent it from happening.

People claim they were never asked about the decision.
This might be true, or it might not. Perhaps they weren’t consulted because they really didn’t need to be involved. Or perhaps they were consulted, but simply forgot. Either way, it’s a difficult situation to deal with.

How to prevent it.
Make sure that all necessary people are included in the decision-making process. And make sure that everyone understands what their roles and responsibilities on the project are. Everyone should be able to voice their opinions – but everyone should also know who is responsible for making final decisions.

 

People are quiet during the decision-making process, but then speak up later.
Perhaps these people didn’t feel confident about their opinions. So they took their time, consulted with coworkers, and THEN arrived at a decision late in the process. It’s understandable, but very disruptive.

How to prevent it.
Establish the rule, “silence means acceptance,” and make sure that everyone is aware of it. So if people don’t share their opinions during the decision-making process, that means they’re in agreement.

 

People change their minds.
They might have felt one way about something (and they might have agreed to it), but they simply change their minds.

How to prevent it.
Ask them to consider the costs associate with making the change. Ask them to consider how this change will alter the project timeline and deadlines. If recently discovered information requires the change to be made, then so be it. But if it’s simply a matter of personal taste, hopefully reviewing the costs associated with the change will make them reconsider.

 

Galford, R. M., Frisch, B., & Greene, C. (2016, February, 25). Why decisions get second-guessed, and what to do about it. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from: https://hbr.org/2016/02/why-decisions-get-second-guessed-and-what-to-do-about-it

 

Do You Lack Emotional Intelligence?

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Sad_Man

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize and understand both your own emotions and other peoples’ emotions. It’s the ability to use that information when deciding what to say and do. It involves empathy, self-regulation, and social skills.

Having a high level of emotional intelligence can be very beneficial! It can help you to build strong relationships with your coworkers, resolve conflicts, and overcome challenges. But not everyone is strong in this area. And the people who are lacking in it are often unaware of it.

So how do you know if you lack emotional intelligence? Well, according to an article in the Harvard Business Review, there are a few telltale signs:

  • Other people often misunderstand you, and it makes you feel frustrated.
  • People often overreact to your comments and jokes. You believe it’s because they’re oversensitive.
  • You don’t believe it’s important to be liked by your coworkers.
  • You’re quick to offer your opinions and then forcefully defend them.
  • You have high expectations for yourself and expect others to behave in the same way.
  • When something goes wrong on a project, you generally believe that your coworkers are to blame.
  • You feel annoyed when other people expect you to know how they’re feeling.

If these behaviors seem to describe you, it’s possibly that you may be low in emotional intelligence. But if that’s the case, don’t worry! You can increase your level of emotional intelligence by doing the following:

  • Ask people for honest feedback on your behavior, and listen to what they have to say without getting defensive.
  • Think about how the things you say might be interpreted by others and how it might make them feel. If it’s not what you intended, try to say it in a different way.
  • If you’re feeling upset or passionate about something, pause before you speak. Give yourself a minute to calm down, clear your head, and listen to what other people are saying.
  • Try to view the world from other peoples’ perspectives. Listen to other peoples’ points of view, and try to understand their positions.

Wilkins, M. M. (2014, December 31). Signs that you lack emotional intelligence. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from: https://hbr.org/2014/12/signs-that-you-lack-emotional-intelligence

Want to Seem Smarter? Here’s How!

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SmartOwl

Have you ever wanted to look more intelligent? Maybe you wanted to impress people during an interview, a networking event, or a meeting with new clients?

I think most people have made an attempt to look smarter at some point in their lives. But according to an article in the Wall Street Journal, most people probably went about it all wrong.

Research indicates that when people are asked to “act smart,” they often do the same types of things. They use big words, speak in complex sentences, talk quickly, and look serious. But research suggests that these tactics don’t work. Big words just don’t impress people.

So what does work? Well, here are a few things that can actually make you seem smarter:

  • Try to be relaxed and confident.
  • Look at people while you’re talking. Make eye contact.
  • Speak in a pleasant voice.
  • Speak clearly – no complicated words or sentences.
  • Listen carefully when others are talking. Nod and smile.
  • Make thoughtful comments.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask questions.
  • Don’t be afraid to admit that you don’t know the answer to a question.
  • Work on your posture. People who sit up straight and stand straight seem smarter.
  • Start using your middle initial.
  • Wear glasses. Apparently, this really does work!

And that’s it! Now take what you’ve learned and go dazzle people with your brilliance! Good luck!

Shellenbarger, S. (2015, January 13). How to look smarter. The Wall Street Journal. Retrieved from http://www.wsj.com/articles/how-to-look-smarter-1421189631

Public Speaking Problems – and How to Recover

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Giving_a_Speech

Standing up in front of a group of people and giving a speech can be a very nerve-wracking experience. It strikes fear in the hearts of more than one in four people (according to a survey of 1,541 adults). And no matter how well you prepare for it, mistakes can still happen.

But the good news is that it’s almost always possible to recover from those mistakes! Although stress can lead you to fumble, you can still deliver a terrific speech. You just need to know what to do when accidents happen.

Sue Shellenbarger of the Wall Street Journal provides this list of common public speaking errors and tips on how to fix them:

  • Problem – Your mind goes blank and you can’t remember what you were going to say.
    How to fix it     – Pause for a minute and try to calm down. Smile at the audience, take a deep breath, and take a drink of water. This mini-break should help you to recall the main points of your speech.
  • Problem – No one laughs at your opening joke.
    How to fix it – If people are offended by your joke, quickly apologize. If it’s just that no one found it funny, quickly push on with your speech. Don’t let it rattle you.
  • Problem – You misplace your notes.
    How to fix it – Try to remember the way your speech begins and ends, and some of the main points that you make in the middle. Scribble this information down on a piece of paper (if you have time), and then go for it!
  • Problem – You start to shake and sweat while you’re on stage.
    How to fix it – Pause for a few seconds and take a deep breath. Move around instead of just standing behind the podium. Try to focus on what your audience really needs to hear rather than your own situation.
  • Problem – When you walk out on stage, you suddenly realize that your clothes aren’t buttoned/zipped properly.
    How to fix it     – Button or zip yourself up as quickly and discretely as possible. If the audience noticed, try to make a joke about it. If no jokes come to mind, then just push on!

And if you have any additional public-speaking tips, please share them in the Comments section below.

Good luck! You’ll do great!

 

Shellenbarger, S. (2015, December 23). Raise a Glass, Give a Speech, Without a Stumble. The Wall Street Journal, p. D3.

 

Common Words and Phrases to Avoid Saying at Work

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Coworkers_talking

If you work in a friendly, relaxed work environment, you may not give a lot of thought to what you say or how you express your feelings. But according to author Judith Humphrey, you should. Humphrey believes that in the office, you always need to be polite and professional. This means that you need to avoid saying certain words or phrases that could send the wrong message to your managers and coworkers.

Here are words and phrases and Humphrey thinks you should avoid (and what you could say instead):

“Whatever” (as well as “sure” and “fine”)

  • Why you should avoid it – The word “whatever” is innately snarky. You’re basically saying that you’ll go along with the other person, but you think that what they’re doing is a mistake. The words “sure” or “fine” can also sound curt and annoyed when they’re said in an angry tone.  
  • What to say instead – “That sounds like a good idea. Let’s move forward with it.”

“It is what it is”

  • Why you should avoid it – This phrase shuts people down. You’re saying that the situation is not going to change, so you don’t want to hear any feedback.
  • What to say instead – “This is the situation we’re in. Does anyone have any ideas about how we can change it?”

“I’m pissed off”

  • Why you should avoid it – Expressing anger at the office is usually a bad idea. It can make your clients and coworkers feel uncomfortable, and they may avoid interacting with you in the future.
  • What to say instead – Nothing. Unless you’re talking to a trusted coworker, you should probably keep your angry feelings to yourself.

“I can’t”

  • Why you should avoid it – Even though there are certainly going to be times when you can’t do what a manager or client is asking you to do, you should still try to avoid using the words “I can’t.” It might make you sound ineffective or like you’re being difficult.
  • What to say instead – Instead of saying what you can’t do, shift the focus to what you can do. If a manager asks you to write a report by Monday, you could say “I can send you a detailed outline on Monday – and I’ll have the finished report ready for you by Wednesday.”

…

Humphrey, J. (2017, July 23). Six words and phrases that make everyone hate working with you. Fast Company. Retrieved from https://www.fastcompany.com/40441775/six-words-and-phrases-that-make-everyone-hate-working-with-you

Workplace Sabotage

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AnnoyedAtMeeting

I don’t want to disturb you. But it’s possible that you might be sabotaging your workplace – without even realizing it! According to the book, “Simple Sabotage: A Modern Manual for Detecting and Rooting Out Everyday Behaviors That Undermine Your Workplace,” there are certain behaviors that often seem innocent but can actually have damaging effects. They can have a negative impact on both productivity and morale.

They include the following:

  • Insisting that things must always be done through the proper channels. Not allowing any short-cuts, even when they make sense.
  • Making a lot of speeches during meetings. Talking at length about your personal experiences and telling long stories about things that have happened to you in the past.
  • Recommending that all decisions be made by large committees of at least five people.
  • Derailing conversations by bringing up irrelevant issues that send everyone off on a tangent.
  • Worrying over every word used in documents and emails. Getting into lengthy debates about why one word should be used instead of another.
  • Bringing up decisions that were already made and indicating that you’d like to discuss these matters further.
  • Always advising your coworkers to be cautious, not to take any chances, and not to be hasty.
  • Waiting until a decision is made, and then suggesting that your group shouldn’t be the one making this decision. Recommending that people with more power in the organization should be involved.

Do you see yourself in this list? If so, you might want to try changing your ways! Even though you’re probably trying to be helpful and follow the rules, these behaviors often make it harder for people to work together and get things accomplished.

 

Duncan, R. D. (2015, December 4). Eight behaviors that sabotage your workplace. Forbes. Retrieved from: http://www.forbes.com/sites/rodgerdeanduncan/2015/12/04/eight-behaviors-that-sabotage-your-workplace/

Galford, R. M., Frisch, B., & Greene, C. (2015). Simple sabotage: A modern field manual for detecting & rooting out everyday behaviors that undermine your workplace. New York, NY: HarperCollins Publisher.

 

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