small talk

How to Escape a Conversation

By in Communication Tags: ,

Networking

One thing that we’re often expected to do as part of our job is to “network.” We’re expected to socialize with colleagues, meet new people, and form new connections. But it’s a tricky business, especially if you’re an introvert. You need to walk up to strangers and introduce yourself. You need to make intelligent small talk. And finally, you need to elegantly and tactfully end the conversation and move on. This last step can be one of the most difficult parts of the process.

To end a conversation, a lot of people use excuses like, “I need to go refresh my drink” or “I need to use the restroom.” But according to networking professionals, these excuses are pretty terrible. People will often see right through them, and they’ll know that you just want to escape. Or even worse, some people might offer to join you on your trip to the bar or the bathroom – so your escape attempt will be foiled.

So what should you do instead? Networking professionals offers the following suggestions:

  • While you’re talking to the individual, really listen to what he or she is saying. You’re probably only going to be talking for 3 to 5 minutes, so pay attention. The person will notice and appreciate it.
  • When it’s time to wrap things up, be kind and honest. Start by telling the person that you really enjoyed talking to him or her, and summarize what the person said. For instance, you could say, “It was great talking to you. I loved hearing all about your chicken farm!” The person will realize that you’ve been listening and feel good about the conversation. Next, tell the person that you need to move on. For instance, you could say, “Unfortunately, I’d better move on. I promised myself that I would meet at least four new people at this event!”
  • It that’s too much honesty for you, here’s a different approach. Try to find another person at the event that you think might interest the person you’re talking to. Draw this new person into the conversation. This will make it easier for you to extricate yourself.
  • End the conversation with more kindness and honesty. Don’t tell the person, “Let’s get together for a coffee,” unless you really mean it. Instead, say something like, “I hope we meet again soon!” This is truthful, friendly, and noncommittal.

Good luck! Now go mingle!

 

Shellenbarger, S. (2015, December 1). A conversation exit plan. The Wall Street Journal. Retrieved from http://www.wsj.com/articles/a-conversation-exit-plan-1448996491?tesla=y

 

What Do I Do? Don’t Ask.

By in Learning Tags: ,

SmallTalk2

What do you say when you meet a person for the first time? You probably ask the person’s name. You might ask where the person grew up. And eventually you might ask one of the most common questions that people ask each other when they first meet… “What do you do?”

There are good reasons why this is a popular question. It’s a socially-acceptable topic, it’s a way to possibly find some common ground, and it gives you something to talk about. Anything is better than uncomfortable silence!

But according to freelance journalist Mónica Guzmán, this question is stale, outdated, and potentially awkward. She believes that when you ask people this question, you’re telling them that their position (and corresponding salary) is the most important thing about them. It also encourages people to start reciting their resumes, which isn’t enjoyable for anyone. And what if the person doesn’t currently have a job? Awkward, indeed.

So Guzmán suggests five alternatives, ranging from “safest” to “toughest:”

  1. What are you working on these days?
  2. What do you like to do?
  3. What are you thinking about?
  4. What are you passionate about?
  5. What are you building?

Guzmán believes that these types of questions will result in more interesting, revealing conversations. By asking these types of questions, she believes you can skip the “swapping job titles” talk and jump right into a meaningful discussion.

What do you think about these options? Do you think you might try one of them the next time you meet someone new? Or are they too strange? (I’m honestly not sure how I would react if someone I just met asked me “What are you thinking about?”or “What are you building?” I might be a little confused.)

Share your views in the Comments section below!

http://www.geekwire.com/2014/still-asking-try-5-better-questions/

Do You Know When to End a Conversation?

By in Communication Tags: , ,

Happy coworkers standing and interacting together in the office

When you’re chatting with a customer or client, how long should you talk? Five minutes? Ten? Twenty?

My mom always says that you should leave while the other person still wants you to stay (rather than waiting until the person is sick and tired of you). But I think that’s very difficult to judge! And apparently, I’m not the only one who has trouble determining how long a conversation should last.

According to a recent study by Adam Mastroianni and Daniel Gilbert of Harvard University, most people are pretty bad at determining when other people are ready to end a conversation. And as a result, conversations tend to drag on longer than anyone wants them to. Simply put, people have a hard time knowing when to stop talking.

But there is something that can do to get a little better at judging when a conversation should end. The secret is to listen for verbal cues and to keep a close eye on the other person’s body language.

You’ll know when the person you’re talking to wants to end the conversation if he or she exhibits one or more of the following signs:

  • Giving short “yes or no” answers to questions
  • Taking long pauses before answering questions
  • Acting distracted (looking around, not making eye contact, glancing at his or her watch)
  • Standing up or (if already standing) angling his or her body away from you
  • Pointing his or her feet away from you
  • Summarizing what you’ve been talking about (a.k.a. wrapping things up)
  • Getting fidgety
  • Talking about all of the other things that he or she needs to be doing

In contrast, it’s likely that a person wants to continue talking to you if he or she exhibits one or more of these signs:

  • Acting relaxed (no fidgeting)
  • Leaning towards you
  • Making eye contact
  • Listening to what you’re saying and asking follow-up questions
  • Giving detailed responses to your questions

Good luck with your small talk! And remember to watch for the signs!

 

Thibodeaux, W. (2018, December 5). Want to be a master conversationalist? Harvard research says you need to fix this first. Inc. Retrieved from: https://www.inc.com/wanda-thibodeaux/want-to-be-a-master-conversationalist-harvard-research-says-you-have-to-fix-this-first.html

How to Talk to Strangers

By in Communication Tags: , ,

Delegates Networking During Conference Lunch Break

If you’re an introvert (like me), work events that involve networking probably strike fear in your heart. You know that you’re supposed to circulate and talk to new people. But starting conversations with strangers is so difficult! How do you even begin?

Approaching a stranger and striking up a conversation can be really challenging. But luckily, author Karen Herzberg has a few tips to make the process easier! Here is her list of seven ways to successfully strike up a conversation:

  1. Acknowledge that you’re suffering together – You’re probably not the only person who’s feeling uncomfortable at a networking event. Networking isn’t easy for a lot of people. So just be honest about it! Walk up to a person and say, “Networking is so difficult, isn’t it? I always feel so awkward!”
  2. Focus on the positive – Did you attend an interesting session earlier in the day? Are the conference facilities nice? Are there tasty snacks or drinks available? If so, talk about it! Say something like, “Have you tried the mini-cheesecakes? They’re delicious!”
  3. Be complimentary – Another way you can break the ice is by paying someone a compliment. If you saw the person give a presentation or speech, you can compliment him or her on it. Or, you can compliment the person on something that he or she is wearing. (“I love your shirt!”) Just don’t compliment people on their physical appearance (eyes, hair, skin, etc.). That might be creepy.
  4. Ask for the person’s opinion – If the networking event is part of a conference, you can ask someone what he or she thought of a certain session. For instance, you might say, “Did you see that presentation about beekeeping? What did you think of it?”
  5. Ask for help – Another ice-breaker that you can use is to ask someone for help. For instance, you can ask someone how to get to a certain conference room. Just be ready with a follow-up question, because after the person provides you with assistance, the conversation could easily be over!
  6. Offer to provide help – Do you see someone who looks a little confused, burdened, or frazzled? Offer your assistance! It could be a great way to start a conversation, and the person will probably be very appreciative!
  7. Find common ground – This final technique can really be used in combination with the other items on this list. It simply involves finding things that you have in common with the other person. For instance, you might say, “Where did you grow up?” or “What department do you work in?” If you can discover a connection with the other person, you’ll have an instant bond and a lot to talk about!

 

Hertzberg, K. (2017, October 1). 7 practical tips on how to start a conversation. Grammarly Blog. Retrieved from: https://www.grammarly.com/blog/how-to-start-a-conversation/

 

Keep Talking, You’re Just My Type

By in Communication, Living Well Tags: , , , ,

Texting_Not_Talking

Sorry, everyone. This is not relationship advice on how to flirt with that one guy you always see at the coffee shop before you leave.

Well, maybe it could be. It depends on how you use the information I’m about to tell you.

Six billion people have access to phones, and phones help us communicate. The entire world is right at our fingertips! But where is the line drawn? When does using our devices become too much?

In many conversations I’ve encountered, I have constantly seen people looking down to use their phones. Whether it’s another Snap they need to take, or a text they need to answer, it just doesn’t stop. And I’m not going to lie, it’s pretty annoying. What is so important that you don’t even have the common decency to pay attention?

Face-to-face conversations are important to human interaction.

The thing about online communication is it provides only a fraction of verbal communication and almost no non-verbal communication. When trying to relate to a person or trying to get to know someone better, both verbal and non-verbal communication is key. Both indicate different thoughts and feelings to the listener, but it’s something we lose when using online communication.

This isn’t the fault of our phones though.  It’s due to the human desire to not want to be alone or awkward. Nobody wants to be bored during a conversation, so we turn to our phones as a safe haven.

But the truth is, we need that moment of blunderingly fidgeting around to build better human relations with the people around us.

Sherry Tuckle wrote a book called Reclaiming Conversation. In this book, Tuckle came up with a way to alleviate this miscommunication and phone addiction: the seven-minute rule.

The seven-minute rule states that if you ever find yourself in a lull during a face-to-face conversation, give it seven minutes before you take your phone out.

The moment of boredom you so humanly dislike actually allows your brain to run through thoughts and come up with new ideas to talk about. You’re in a situation in which you have to come up with something to say, and you can use that to further the conversation with the people you’re talking to.

So the next time you ever feel awkward in a conversation, just wait around for a little while until you make the decision to take your phone out. Maybe you’ll gain a new friend. Or even that guy at the coffee shop.

 

 

Suttie, J. (2015, Dec. 7). How smartphones are killing conversation. The Greater Good Science Center. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_smartphones_are_killing_conversation

Chitchat Your Way to Happiness

By in Communication, Living Well Tags: ,

Small_Talk

Work can sometimes be all-consuming. When you’re on a particularly demanding project, it can eat up all of your time and energy. And when you’re feeling exhausted, you might not be up for making small talk with the person who works at the front desk of your building or the person who regularly takes your lunch order. But this would actually be a bit of a shame, because recent research suggests that small talk is beneficial to you.

Several research studies have indicated that when we make small talk with the people around us (including the people we sit next to on a train or stand beside in a grocery store line), it improves our mood. Chitchatting makes us feel more connected and supported. Even though these interactions are sometimes superficial, it still makes us (and the people we talk to) feel happier.

In my experience, I think this rings true. I’m sort of shy, so when I’m interacting with strangers, I mostly stick with “hi” and “thank you.” But I like it when someone gets chatty with me. It’s fun and memorable. I remember trying on a pair of boots in a shoe store, and a fellow shopper told me that I should buy them because I looked “fierce.” This made me laugh. (And yes, I bought the boots.)

So even if you’re feeling tired and bogged down with work, try smiling at the people around you and maybe even making a little small talk. It might make your hard day a little easier.

 

Wallace, J. B. (2016, September 30). The benefits of a little small talk. The Wall Street Journal. Retrieved from http://www.wsj.com/articles/the-benefits-of-a-little-small-talk-1475249737