interpersonal skills

The Importance of Soft Skills

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Vanilla frozen yogurt or colorful soft ice cream in waffle cone

You’re probably familiar with the term “soft skills.” They’re things like conflict resolution, communication, creativity, and active listening. Unlike “hard skills” like math and science, soft skills are more touchy-feely. And although most people see them as valuable, they’re generally not viewed as essential.

Current research, however, suggests that soft skills are more important than most people realize. They are, in fact, essential. You need to know how to interact with others in order to successfully get work done.

In its Future of Jobs report, the World Economic Forum identified crucial skills that all employees will need in order to succeed in the global workforce. These skills included the following:

  • Complex problem solving
  • Critical thinking
  • Creativity
  • People management
  • Coordinating with others
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Judgement and decision making
  • Service orientation
  • Negotiation
  • Cognitive flexibility

Similarly, in a recent study conducted at Google, it was found that the best predictor of success was whether or not their employees had certain soft skills. The most essential skills included things like being a good listener, being supportive and empathetic, and being a good problem-solver.

So what if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t have strong interpersonal skills? Don’t despair! These qualities aren’t innate. They’re not something that you’re born with. You can develop soft skills through training and practice. With the right instruction, you can become the type of employee whom everyone loves to work with! It just takes a little knowledge and effort.

 

O’Sullivan, T. (2019, January 4). Why there is nothing soft about soft skills. Skillsoft. Retrieved from: https://www.skillsoft.com/blog/2019/01/why-there-is-nothing-soft-about-soft-skills/

Keep Talking, You’re Just My Type

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Texting_Not_Talking

Sorry, everyone. This is not relationship advice on how to flirt with that one guy you always see at the coffee shop before you leave.

Well, maybe it could be. It depends on how you use the information I’m about to tell you.

Six billion people have access to phones, and phones help us communicate. The entire world is right at our fingertips! But where is the line drawn? When does using our devices become too much?

In many conversations I’ve encountered, I have constantly seen people looking down to use their phones. Whether it’s another Snap they need to take, or a text they need to answer, it just doesn’t stop. And I’m not going to lie, it’s pretty annoying. What is so important that you don’t even have the common decency to pay attention?

Face-to-face conversations are important to human interaction.

The thing about online communication is it provides only a fraction of verbal communication and almost no non-verbal communication. When trying to relate to a person or trying to get to know someone better, both verbal and non-verbal communication is key. Both indicate different thoughts and feelings to the listener, but it’s something we lose when using online communication.

This isn’t the fault of our phones though.  It’s due to the human desire to not want to be alone or awkward. Nobody wants to be bored during a conversation, so we turn to our phones as a safe haven.

But the truth is, we need that moment of blunderingly fidgeting around to build better human relations with the people around us.

Sherry Tuckle wrote a book called Reclaiming Conversation. In this book, Tuckle came up with a way to alleviate this miscommunication and phone addiction: the seven-minute rule.

The seven-minute rule states that if you ever find yourself in a lull during a face-to-face conversation, give it seven minutes before you take your phone out.

The moment of boredom you so humanly dislike actually allows your brain to run through thoughts and come up with new ideas to talk about. You’re in a situation in which you have to come up with something to say, and you can use that to further the conversation with the people you’re talking to.

So the next time you ever feel awkward in a conversation, just wait around for a little while until you make the decision to take your phone out. Maybe you’ll gain a new friend. Or even that guy at the coffee shop.

 

 

Suttie, J. (2015, Dec. 7). How smartphones are killing conversation. The Greater Good Science Center. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_smartphones_are_killing_conversation

The Importance of Interpersonal Skills

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InterpersonalSkills

Human beings are social creatures. Most of us spend a lot of time interacting with the people around us. We meet our needs and accomplish our goals by associating and cooperating with others. So the ability to communicate and interact effectively with other people is essential.

Strong interpersonal skills have been linked to success in the workplace. Employees with good interpersonal skills can resolve conflicts, cooperate, and communicate. Compared to employees with poor interpersonal skills, they tend to produce a higher quality and quantity of work. They also tend to be more dedicated to their jobs, and they work more effectively with customers and coworkers.

So what specific skills do you need to have in order to interact effectively with others in the workplace? Silberman & Hansburg (2000) claimed that you must be able to do the following:

  • Understand people
  • Express yourself clearly
  • Assert your needs
  • Exchange feedback
  • Influence others
  • Resolve conflict
  • Be a team player
  • Shift gears (be flexible and resilient)

It’s a big list, and it’s possible that you may not be strong in all of these areas. But if that’s the case, don’t let it discourage you! A large amount of research indicates that training programs can lead to significant improvements in interpersonal skills. Interpersonal skills are not fixed and unchangeable – they can be learned and developed.

 

Silberman, M., & Hansburg, F. (2000). PeopleSmart. San Francisco, CA: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.

 

Dogs and Emotional Intelligence

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dreamstime_s_30043018

The following is an (edited) excerpt from a recent 60 Minutes report, “How Dogs Express Their Emotions.”

If you have ever watched YouTube videos of dogs welcoming home returning service members, it’s easy to see the bond between dogs and their owners. But have you ever wondered if dogs love us the way we love them?

Brian Hare, an evolutionary anthropologist at Duke University, says there’s proof of that bond. It’s found in our bloodstreams: “We know that when dogs and humans make eye contact, that actually releases what’s known as the love hormone, oxytocin, in both the dog and the human. It turns out oxytocin, the same hormone that helps new mothers bond with their babies, is released in both dogs and humans when they play, touch, or look into one another’s eyes. What we know now is that when dogs are actually looking at you, they’re essentially hugging you with their eyes.”

And when dogs are making a lot of eye contact with you, it’s not that they’re just trying to get something from you. It probably is just really enjoyable for them because they get oxytocin or an uptick in the “love hormone.”

All these new discoveries about dogs have led Brian Hare to create a science-based website called Dognition, where owners can learn to play games to test their dog’s brain power.

So the next time your dog fixes you with those big, trusting eyes, he’s really thinking of you, not just his next can of Alpo.

Effective Listening

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Listening

Effective listening is one of the most important interpersonal skills. People who know how to listen are better able to communicate with others, avoid misunderstandings, and resolve conflicts.

Here are a few techniques used by effective listeners:

  • Show interest – Face the person who is speaking, make eye contact, nod your head, etc. Try not to look at your watch, shuffle your feet, or engage in behaviors that suggest you’re uninterested or bored.
  • Have empathy – Try to see things from the speaker’s perspective. Try to understand not only what the speaker is saying, but also what the speaker is feeling.
  • Pay attention to what isn’t being said – Pay attention to the expression on the speaker’s face, tone of voice, posture, gestures, etc.
  • Don’t interrupt – Let the speaker finish what he or she is saying before you say anything.
  • Ask questions – Make sure you really understand what the speaker is saying by asking questions. Just make sure that you ask clarifying questions (“How did you feel when that happened?”) and not challenging questions (“Are you crazy?”).
  • Paraphrase – Restate what the speaker has said in your own words (“So what you’re saying is, you felt really upset when he spilled your drink.”) It shows the speaker that you’re listening. Also, it’s another way for you to determine whether you really understand what’s being said.
  • Keep an open mind – Try not to let your own attitudes, feelings, and beliefs distract you from what the speaker is saying.
  • Don’t talk too much – Don’t launch into a long story about yourself. And don’t offer advice when the speaker doesn’t ask for it. Just let the speaker do the talking.

Listening is a skill, just like playing an instrument or a sport. The more you practice, the better you’ll get at it! Try taking the SkillSoft e-course, “Listening with Skill” to get some practice and improve your ability to listen effectively.

http://lms4.learnshare.com/l.aspx?CID=89&A=2&T=373166

Conflict — How Do You Manage It?

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Conflict1

Conflict is a part of life. The ability to resolve a conflict is an essential interpersonal skill.

There are different approaches to conflict resolution. Many believe that there are five options: avoidance, accommodation, competition, compromise, and collaboration.

There is no approach that’s best. It really depends on the type of conflict that you’re experiencing. Different approaches work well in different situations. But understanding yourself and knowing more about the different approaches to conflict resolution will help you to handle conflict more effectively. It will help you to think reasonably and flexibly, and choose the approach that best fits the situation.

Try taking this online assessment to discover which approach you favor, and to learn more about all five options. You might also consider taking this assessment with a trusted colleague! It could spark an interesting conversation, and help you to determine whether you see yourself the same way that others see you.

http://academic.engr.arizona.edu/vjohnson/ConflictManagementQuestionnaire/ConflictManagementQuestionnaire.asp